Theme Park Insider's 2011 Year In Review - September
Written by Jeff ElliottNote: The editor of these articles has insisted that I make the soon to be obvious point that while there may be some real news in here, the key to these articles is a sense of humor. While your own blah of these blah may be a little blah than what is blah below, your blah is quite possibly closer to blah. While it was blah that I keep to the blah, I blah blah quite quickly in this process that 1) I don't think anyone really reads this part and 2) I what would happen if I just skipped this?
Published: December 31, 2011 at 12:45 PM
September, the month of Smurfs and ride exchanges where Six Flags introduced the concept of "new to you but not really new" rides. Very little happened this month, so we could almost skip this, but as my duty to you, I should probably mention the one or two things that did take place.
The captain has just jumped out of the back of the plane with a parachute and two armloads of hot ladies. Mayday! Mayday! Is there a pilot on board? How about anyone that plays flight simulator games? Anyone? Maybe someone who always dreamed of flying?
Theme Park Insider's Year In Review – September
Disney's Animal Kingdom – The park announced that they had secured the rights to 10 foot tall blue creatures that hate humans when they unveil that they had signed a deal to bring Avatar to Animal Kingdom. This is kind of a confusing choice in many respects. The movie of Avatar and even the word avatar means people controlling different bodies, that, and war… brutal bloody war… using large unforgiving machines against the plucky courage of a native tribe trying to save their own planet. The story of one human using an avatar to become a one point of bright light that tips the balance of the war against the humans. It is also about death. Such subject matters seem to go against the grain of what is otherwise an animal park with rides that attempt to teach conservation and the love of all living things while holding them in tiny cells. Do you see a mixed message here or is it just me?
I understand that Avatar is the highest grossing movie ever… by a lot… and there are at least two more of these movies on the way. Also in consideration here is the fact that James Cameron really didn't spend a whole lot of time on the story, in his eyes this was a showcase for special effects and nothing else. Even many months later, there have been no details leaked as to what is going to happen in this land, most likely it is because they took this idea to the Imagineers who are all sitting around an empty design pad with WTF looks on their faces. The fact that so little time was spent on crafting a story on the original movie is very apparent. If you have helicopters that are armored and can carry missiles and machine guns, shoot the lizards that are flying around first and then the rest of it is a turkey shoot. And, really, what is up with the military personnel who act like complete morons, your base camp is not being overrun, therefore you have all the time in the world to negotiate with the indigenous people. And even if that tree is sitting right on top of where you want your mine, the minerals are underground, so burrow into it sideways… we have the technology… poor, poor Imagineers.
So there you have it: August. If you don't remember the month like I do, please set a monkey-boy straight in the discussion below.
All monkey pictures have been lovingly borrowed from the amazing artist Frank Cho and his long deceased comic strip Liberty Meadows. Monkeys were harmed during the production of this article… oh, yes… definitely harmed…
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