The real top 13 reasons not to go to Disney World
Published: April 1, 2014 at 12:22 PM
And better yet, we present our list as an actual list, instead of making you click through a freakin' slideshow. You're welcome.
The Top 13 Reasons Not to Go to Disney World
1. Nobody can tell you what to do with your hands and arms at all times.
I do what I want.
2. The last time you took a small child firmly by the hand, you ended up with a restraining order.
Oh, it's supposed to be your *own* child?
3. The blatant celebration of the royalty is abhorrent to everything we stand for in America.
Want to see princesses? Go to England.
4. They haven't done anything about their rodent problem.
Seriously, they're HUGE!
5. You have pediophobia (fear of dolls).
And a fear of earworms, too.
6. Because it's not a small world after all. It's actually 7,918 miles wide.
That's pretty big!
7. You'll meet people from all over the world... as well as all their germs and viruses.
How sickly green you do want to be when you get home from vacation?
8. Disney's frozen bananas are inferior imitations of Bluth's Original Frozen Banana.
There's always money in the banana stand.
9. Your local movie theater lets you sit in the middle of the row, without barking at you to slide all the way down.
I got here first. Find your own seat and stay away from me.
10. It turns out that Walt's not really frozen under the castle after all.
They didn't encase him in carbonite, either?
11. You want to see a Yeti that moves.
That one hurts.
12. You are a Marvel Comics character.
Okay, that one *really* hurts.
13. If you don't go, the lines will be one person shorter for the rest of us.
Seriously, get out of our way.