The real top 13 reasons not to go to Disney World
Last month, a painfully unfunny article went viral offering Top 13 Reasons Not to Go to Disney
. We thought that you, our Theme Park Insider readers, could do better, and you did
. So today, we present our real
top 13 reasons not to go to Walt Disney World, with all the snark that such a ridiculous premise deserves.
And better yet, we present our list as an actual list, instead of making you click through a freakin' slideshow. You're welcome.
The Top 13 Reasons Not to Go to Disney World
1. Nobody can tell you what to do with your hands and arms at all times.
I do what I want.
2. The last time you took a small child firmly by the hand, you ended up with a restraining order.
Oh, it's supposed to be your *own* child?
3. The blatant celebration of the royalty is abhorrent to everything we stand for in America.
Want to see princesses? Go to England.
4. They haven't done anything about their rodent problem.
Seriously, they're HUGE!
5. You have pediophobia (fear of dolls).
And a fear of earworms, too.
6. Because it's not a small world after all. It's actually 7,918 miles wide.
That's pretty big!
7. You'll meet people from all over the world... as well as all their germs and viruses.
How sickly green you do want to be when you get home from vacation?
8. Disney's frozen bananas are inferior imitations of Bluth's Original Frozen Banana.
There's always money in the banana stand.
9. Your local movie theater lets you sit in the middle of the row, without barking at you to slide all the way down.
I got here first. Find your own seat and stay away from me.
10. It turns out that Walt's not really frozen under the castle after all.
They didn't encase him in carbonite, either?
11. You want to see a Yeti that moves.
That one hurts.
12. You are a Marvel Comics character.
Okay, that one *really* hurts.
13. If you don't go, the lines will be one person shorter for the rest of us.
Seriously, get out of our way.
Those princesses could be Cinderella's step-sisters. No Fastpass joke?
Hey now, I authored one of those points. What does that say about *my* writing?
I'm actually watching Arrested Development right now. So good. On a side note what type of influence could Netflix have on theme parks.
A reminder to everyone that our
I made the mistake of actually reading through that whole list on the other website. How hateful and unfunny was that? Not even accurate. The so-called "construction" photo was actually of Walt Disney Concert Hall in downtown Los Angeles - which had nothing whatsoever to do with ANY Disney park. The author googled images for Disney and construction, and that's what they came up with, I guess.
14. Because you don't have the extra 2 dollars to park this year...
'Bout time, Robert! I'm getting tired of having to defend everyone! ;)
The original list was perhaps the lamest ever put together. But if it keeps people away from DW, awesome. TPI's list was much better.
The rodent problem reminds me of a great Mickey Mouse Club satire in the early years of Saturday Night Live by Belushi & company. They were all dressed up in rat costumes singing a tune to M I C K E Y M O U S E, only their words were "R I C K E Y R A T, Why? Because we're rats".
Rob, I remember that so well that the last time my wife and I went to WDW we were singing it there (quietly to avoid getting the rodent police after us ;+) The lyrics we remember are:
The last one. Definitely my favourite. :-)
Yes, the original on black & white with Annette Funicello. A galaxy far far away. Glad to see the original words. I didn't recall them as well as you. I, too, sing the song at WDW as an ode to Bob Iger and the TDO team.
Yeah, my reason made it! (With a much edited, pithy and more elegant phraseology)
Many thanks to everyone who contributed, to this thread and all others on TPI!
Was the original article a real article or something more than lines of sarcasm? Something about it makes me feel like its not real. Almost like it was written and posted The Onion.
I'll never understand why people who do not enjoy WDW continually bash it! If you don't like it,go find something else to do that you do enjoy. Life's short so please 'stand clear of the doors' and get out of my way!
Because florida has sinkholes ALL the time...better to stay at home & be safe
This article has been archived and is no longer accepting comments.