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From the Trenches of Amusement……June 11, 2012

An attempt at news….fortified with your daily allowance of snark….the video addition…..

From Jeff Elliott
Posted June 11, 2012 at 11:04 AM
Robert is a slave driver who doesn’t understand the agony that a true artist goes through. As a former newspaper guy, Robert has to kick stories out day after day like an animatronic, but some of his more sensitive writers need to recoup and recharge their delicate batteries in order to write the always impressive content that regularly features on this website. While Mr. Niles would like to see this particular column every week, the schedule that I can give him is every other week until such time that my great American humor novel is finished and my three month old son graduates from college. Thanks for reading and if anyone can figure out what might have happened a hundred years ago on this day, I will be more than happy to throw down a couple of Haikus about it….

Note: Keep in mind that this is a humor article, if you want dry news, do the research and figure it out on your own…..we aim to amuse here…..if you have questions about what part is news and what part is humor, please feel free to ask in the talkback below……I may or may not answer…..but some of the other readers may set you straight…..

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Hersheypark – Skyrush – I have been quiet about this coaster for quite a while because I got burned out on the hype and like the new Manta coaster figured that if something needed that much extra hype, then the ride itself was probably lacking. After looking at the video of Skyrush, it looks like it actually delivers all of the thrills that it needs to. This thing just eats up its track! Take a look:

Disney’s California Adventure – Cars Land – This land has soft opened so get out there now if you want to be one of the first to experience it. Keep in mind the California Adventure is going to be closed this Thursday in order to do the press preview and grand opening. Since this is just a soft opening keep in mind that they may close it from time to time during the day. Take a look at the two videos, one from each track. Now if we could only just get them to fix up the other-other park.

Universal Studios Florida – Despicable Me – This ride has soft opened and we are starting to get an idea of what they really did. According to our sources, they reused the vehicles from Jimmy Neutron. But for some reason our super-secret spies while getting a good look at the queue area for some reason decided to follow the rules and not record any of the actual ride. We have strictly punished our spies and reduced their food rations by three kibbles per meal. We hope that in the future they will not be restricted by such silly thing as rules in the future. ((Note from Robert Niles: Rules are what keep us safe. Please do not break any rules while wearing Theme Park Insider t-shirts. If you are wearing some other website’s t-shirt…..go crazy....and then burn the t-shirt....)) One of the coolest things in the video is the fuzzy and cuddly unicorn from the movie. The following is what the spies were able to film before they got an attack of roolz.

Walt Disney Company – The trailer for Wreck It Ralph is out. For those people who are really old (not naming names here….you know who you are), you might recognize some of the other characters in the trailer. Can’t wait for this one.

The actual game for Wreck-It Ralph has been posted. Click on the picture to play.

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Six Flags America – Apocalypse (aka Six Flags Great America’s Leftovers) – I don’t know how to say this nicely, so I’m not going to bother: I find it very ironic that the video has zombies in it, as I would probably look the same way after riding this thing a few times. I also don’t know if it is Six Flags version of hyper theming but I find it pretty pathetic that a roller coaster that they are selling as brand new has rust on the catwalk at the top of the lift hill. Feel free to have your own opinions as long as they are the same as mine. Enjoy:

Holiday World – While they should be spending their time putting some hammer punches and full nelsons on the fair board in Tennessee, instead the folks from Holiday World are having fun on their rides. It’s nice to know that they haven’t completely lost their focus.

Mirabilandia (Italy) – Divertical – With such an interesting name describing a coaster that neither goes vertical or dives, Mirabilandia is showing off their new water coaster. I would imagine that in Italian Divertical probably means “my junk is better than your junk”. I was also able to figure out what it says at the end of the video below, roughly translated as “What up, yo? Bring it wit yo bad self!” which I have no idea what that means in English.

Worlds of Fun – Apparently not enough people voted at Worlds of Fun’s website. Given the choice of a 20 million dollar super coaster, a flat ride that no one will appreciate, tearing down several rides and not replacing them, a Fried Twinkie stand, and Dinosaurs Alive, somehow Dinosaurs Alive just barely beat out the Fried Twinkie stand. You guys don’t know what you are missing. I think the Fried Twinkie stand would have scored much higher if people knew that it also did Fried Bacon-Wrapped Twinkies...it would have been no contest at all.

Paramount Park Spain – In what is a bad sign of the future of this soon to be built park, it took 4 hours to setup a single shovel full of dirt getting moved. If you do the math, this means that the park will be ready to open sometime around May 3rd, 2754. I don’t know if they have heard about high tech construction equipment like bulldozers or excavators, but someone might want to let them in on the secret soon.

Cedar Point – Luminosity – From the scripts that I have seen for Luminosity, it was supposed to be one song that the Elvis generation would be able to sing along with, followed by a long speech (20 minutes plus) by the acting manager of the park, followed by a single song for the Beetles generation, followed by the last act of King Lear by Shakespeare, closed out by 7 minutes of cool jazz and fireworks. But for some reason the singers just kept going and could not decide on a single song to perform and had to fish around quite a bit looking to see what song was going to get the audience’s attention. By the time the singers finally found a song that they wanted to perform, the park was getting ready to close and the manager’s speech and the King Lear segments were cancelled. Hopefully we will be able to see a full run-through of the show according to the script soon.

Bluegrass Boardwalk – While I can guarantee that the folks at Holiday World have the greatest intensions, let me just tell you from experience that when the girl can’t decide on how big the ring should be, you need to get the hell out of there before she owns everything you used to own as well as everything you are going to earn in the future.

Walt Disney World – When you start to think that Walt Disney Company is some giant corporate monster that could give a rat’s patooty about the environment, please take the time to watch the following video. Although I must say that if it was me, I would have happily scraped squirrel guts off the grill of the monorail.


In completely unrelated news, my home state of Colorado is having a severe marshmallow shortage.

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As always, the real information in From the Trenches of Amusement is brought to you be the letters “A-T” and “S” (Amusement Today and Screamscape)

Create My Caption - In the discussion thread below, post your best caption(s) for the following picture lovingly borrowed from “F*** Yeah Face Characters”……don’t ask how I found my way to that site……although you have probably figured out by this point that I went there to thief a bunch of pictures…..like a whole year’s worth…..

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If you know of anything I missed…..first rides, interesting trips, large buckets of water, or fresh smelling rumors, please post below and let us know.


Comments in chronological order. Most recent at the bottom. Scroll down to respond.

From James Rao
Posted June 11, 2012 at 11:32 AM
If Worlds of Fun ever listened to its fans, we'd still be taking rides on the Orient Express and getting lap dances on the Zambezi Zinger.

Having Dinsoaurs Alive as the big addition for 2013 will give me yet another reason to skip WoF and opt for Silver Dollar City's brand new coaster instead.

From James Trexen
Posted June 11, 2012 at 11:37 AM
June 11, 1912: The world welcomes perhaps the most influential Disney animator: James Algar.

From Dominick D
Posted June 11, 2012 at 11:43 AM
Caption: Peter Pan- Worlds greatest mime.

From Chad H
Posted June 11, 2012 at 12:09 PM
Caption: Peter pan with his new iPad - Even thinner than ever.

From Tony Duda
Posted June 11, 2012 at 12:26 PM
Caption - "Damn, that pain in the butt Tinker Bell escaped my grasp again!"

From Jeff Elliott
Posted June 11, 2012 at 12:52 PM
Animator James Algar
You made Lincoln speak
Should have made it a coaster

True Life Adventures exist
James Algar made them
I have never slept so good

With artist pencil James made
Seven little dwarves
Now short people can be mad

From Mike Gallagher
Posted June 11, 2012 at 2:25 PM
What I'm hearing from people on other boards taht I trust is that SkyRush is a very intense ride that has severe load/unload/station problems, is way too short, and could probably be renamed "ThighCrush"..apparently it does that to a lot od people. I hope to make my own judgment Thursday.

From Brian Emery
Posted June 12, 2012 at 5:57 AM
Caption: Peter Pan Reenacts a Scene from 16 candles….

From Jeff Elliott
Posted June 12, 2012 at 6:22 AM
^ LOL!!

Here's a dollar....

From Jorge Arnoldson
Posted June 17, 2012 at 2:49 PM
Wreck It Ralph: Disney got the rights to Nintendo? No, just... no. It's pure blasphemy for Disney to put Bowser in there. I'm afraid they'll branch out on it, making a Nintendo land in one of their parks, which Universal (or even Nintendo itself) would do better at.

From Mike Gallagher
Posted June 17, 2012 at 3:06 PM
SkyRush is the most intense coaster I've been on this side of Intimidator 305. I wasn't affected by the station/load/unload issues they're apparently experiencing, as I was was with a group that included two autistic persons, so we had handicapped/exit passes. I did feel the thigh pain from the restraint that everything I've read about the ride has referenced. Very severe, and everyone coming off the ride seemed to be pointing at their upper legs and grimacing. I rode it twice..once in a wing seat and once in an inner seat...the latter was worse. I would ride it again, because, despite the discomfort, it has the potential to be a great ride as they work out the "bugs." I'd still rather close down Lightning Racer with multiple rides...as I did on Thursday.

From James Trexen
Posted June 17, 2012 at 3:29 PM
"It's pure blasphemy for Disney to put Bowser in there.I'm afraid they'll branch out on it, making a Nintendo land in one of their parks, which Universal (or even Nintendo itself) would do better at."

Now that's not entirely true. Just because Disney uses the character in a cameo does not entirely mean that they own the rights to him. Take "Who Framed Roger Rabbit" for example. There was a particular scene where Mickey Mouse and Bugs Bunny were skydiving together. And yet, Six Flags owns complete rights to the character and is not willing to give the Looney Tunes up any time soon due to the high merchandising they provide.

As for the part about Nintendo Land (rather not see one) doing better at Universal than Disney, I really doubt you should be saying that now. When Cars Land was announced in 2007, I was pretty skeptical about how successful it would be. But 4 and a half years later, I'm eating my words just from watching videos on how greatly it completes California Adventure. Likewise, when Harry Potter was announced that year, I'm sure there were some Disney enthusiasts who were certain Universal would do a poor job. So don't just assume that one park will do better than another. Wait and see that parks will continually try and outdo each other, especially nowadays.

From Dominick D
Posted June 17, 2012 at 3:33 PM
Jorge, take a look at Carsland. They got the whole thing PERFECT. It looks like it came straight out of the movie. WWOHP does too, but the layout isn't like the film.

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