A shocking (not so) true Hollywood Studios story

August 18, 2016, 10:22 AM · We have obtained, through a variety of Bothan spies, a transcript of a conversation between Walt Disney World Resort president George Kalogridis and Walt Disney Company CEO Bob Iger. This conversation centers around the decision to remove an inappropriate hand gesture from the beloved Rock 'n' Roller Coaster attraction at Disney's Hollywood Studios. Adult content ahead. You've been warned.

George Kalogridis: Bob? It's George.

Bob Iger: Oh, God, is this another alligator thing?

GK: Uh, no, thankfully. So...remember Rock 'n' Roller Coaster?

BI: I never look back, darling, it distracts from the now.

GK: OK. So anyway, Steven Tyler...

BI: Liv Tyler's dad?

GK: Right.

BI: She was so good in Lord of the Rings.

GK: Right.

BI: What's her deal right now?

GK: Bob...

BI: What? Do you need something?

GK: So in a pre-show for Rock 'n' Roller Coaster, it appears that Steven Tyler, the Aerosmith guy, makes a... rude hand gesture.

BI: Wait what do you mean? Like what? What's he doing? Flipping the bird?

GK: No... it's worse than that.

BI: Oh my God...

GK: Yeah...

BI: The Vulcan sign of peace? DAMMIT. He KNOWS that's not Disney branding. That pointy-eared loving son of a...

GK: No, Bob. No.

BI: Oh, well that's a relief. So what is it?

GK: Do... do you know what the shocker is?

BI: So you're just gonna softball it in like that, huh? I could crush that.

GK: Bob could you be serious for, like, five minutes?

BI: Uh, that was serious. Come on, I like a little bit of a challenge when I'm crushing you.

GK: Okay, so, but you do know what it is, right? The hand sign?

BI: I'm a grown man, George. Yes, I know what the shocker is. Wait, he threw up the shocker in a pre-show video we've shown like, 10 billion times?

GK: Right.

BI: What year did this attraction open again?

GK: (Sighs) 1999

BI: And we JUST now noticed it?

GK: Well...in fairness, I haven't been here since 1999...

BI: Wait, wait, so how did this even come up now?

GK: Well apparently Jared Leto was in the park and...

BI: Oh, no.

GK: Right. So I guess he saw it and then wouldn't let anyone leave the room until they all did the gesture with him, while screaming "Shocker!"

BI: Good Lord... this just coming out now really says something about the sexual lives of our cast members.

GK: Can we not go there?

BI: I'm just saying... do people just not read books anymore? Watch cable TV? Is the Internet connection inside the parks really that bad?

GK: Okay, so we need to change the preshow.

BI: Just Star Wars it.

GK: What?

BI: If George Lucas can change a 20-year-old movie to make it look like Greedo shot first, we can sure as hell tweak Steven Tyler's hand. Just get ILM on it. Those guys. The nerds, I don't care.

GK: So just... like put a fake hand over it at the last second?

BI: Listen, I'm busy George. I've got nine holes to play and only... well, anyway, the point is that you seem to have a handle on this now. Do what you have to do.

GK: Oh... kay.

BI: Worst case? Hell, let's just replace him with Leto. It'd be a nice break for him to have his stuff added to a movie instead of cut.

Our transcript might be fake, but the story that inspired is is not. Disney really did just change the preshow for Rock 'n' Roller Coaster Starring Aerosmith.

Replies (8)

August 18, 2016 at 11:29 AM · That deserves, "like 10 billion" likes.
August 18, 2016 at 11:58 AM · That really was laughing out loud and I think maybe a snort...can't be sure....
August 19, 2016 at 3:11 AM · The most important question is.... Does this count as a new credit?
August 19, 2016 at 3:40 AM · Cracking up... totally. Hilarious!
August 19, 2016 at 6:10 AM · Hahhah Great stuff.... True, all of it...
August 19, 2016 at 6:12 AM · How funny ! Thanks so much Brent
August 21, 2016 at 12:31 AM · That.... was really bad...
August 22, 2016 at 8:09 AM · Awesome! Totally!

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