The Lego Movie 2: The Second Part opens today, in advance of The Lego Movie Land opening later this year at Legoland Florida. The new film co-stars Chris Pratt, who is becoming a familiar presence in major theme park attractions.
Pratt is one of the stars of Guardians of the Galaxy: Mission Breakout! at Disney California Adventure and plays a leading character in the Jurassic World franchise that is taking over the old Jurassic Park ride this summer at Universal Studios Hollywood. Throw in The Lego Movie, and now Pratt has three theme park attractions at parks from three different companies devoted to his franchises.
So is it time for us to imagine an entire theme park devote to the actor?
Yes, it is. It's now time to welcome you to... Chris Pratt Place.
Legoland Florida's Lego Movie land is just one of the theme lands in our imaginary Chris Pratt theme park, which also includes the upcoming Jurassic World flume ride from Universal Studios Hollywood as well as the upcoming (yet still officially unannounced) Blue the Raptor roller coaster from Universal Orlando's Islands of Adventure.
But the highlight of Chris Platt Place might be the expanded Guardians of the Galaxy land, which features permanent installations of Epcot's Awesome Mix Live show and Disney California Adventure's Mission Breakout, as well as Epcot's upcoming Guardians of the Galaxy roller coaster.
These lands lie around the perimeter of Chris Platt Place, but the park's "Main Street USA," if you will, is Pawnee, Indiana — where our hero is waiting to shine your shoes (albeit in his younger and less-ripped form). You can find "Andy" in the park's "weenie" at the end of the Pawnee, Indiana main street — City Hall, a replica of the real-life City Hall in Theme Park Insider's hometown of Pasadena, California. (Seriously, that's where they shot the exterior scenes for "Parks & Recreation.")
But Chris Pratt Place is not the only theme park in our imaginary Hollywood-themed resort. If you have upgraded to our multi-park ticket, the exit from Mission Breakout will lead you through a secret portal into another land devoted to the Marvel Cinematic Universe, which you will find next door in the park's second gate: Samuel L. Jackson Land.
To be honest for a moment, "Samuel L. Jackson Land" is not the actual name of the park, as its real name, Motherf--kaland, cannot be pronounced in polite society.
The park's Super Nick Fury Island might look like a plussed version of Islands of Adventure's Marvel Super Hero Island, but make no mistake, Nick Fury is the star of each of these reimagined attractions, including The Amazing Adventures of Nick Fury and the Incredible Nick Fury Coaster. But not even Nick Fury's Fearfall will inspire the thrills you will feel next door in Motherf--kaland's Star Wars Jedi Temple.
Grab your purple lightsaber and prepare to do battle in the park's all-new Mace Windu: Great Vengeance and Furious Anger interactive adventure. Can you defend the Temple and arrest Darth Sidious? Or will you end up thrown through the window... and getting the shaft?
After your Star Wars adventure, slide over to the neighboring land of Municiberg for Frozone's Incredicoaster - a slippery thrill ride through the city that, frankly, makes a heck of a lot more thematic sense than what fans got in Pixar Pier.
Following that, head over to the "local airport" for the next showing of the Snakes on a Plane 4D theater. And if you're getting hungry, fuel up with the famous "Royale with Cheese" in the Pulp Fiction Hawthorne Grill.
Note that the diner's gift shop is no longer selling the park's (okay, they were culturally insensitive) Jheri Curl wig hats, as the entire stock was bought out by elected officials from the state of Virginia. But other souvenirs remain available throughout Motherf--kaland. Just don't forget to pay with your Capital One card!
The guys don't get to have all the fun in our theme park resort, of course. Opening soon will be the resort's third gate: Amy Adams' World.
Meet Gisele in the Enchanted Castle that stands above a Central Park-themed entry plaza in this planned park. Then visit its new Muppets-themed land, featuring that great Muppets roadtrip animatronic musical dark ride that Disney never did get around to building.
At the end of that road lies Metropolis, where Lois Lane hosts our trip through the offices of the Daily Planet, leading us into the park's Justice League interactive ride. Unfortunately, Ms. Lane is nowhere to be found on the park's Superman flying coaster from Bolliger & Mabillard, but that omission is understandable because the designers of this extended universe really didn't seem to know what they were doing... at least not in comparison with the folks who put together the Marvel lands in the other two parks.
You'll never know exactly what time it is in the park's Arrival attraction, which is the first theme park attraction to feature the queue after the ride, so you can look forward to the experience that you already had while you wait for it. Finally, enjoy fine dining in the Julie & Julia French Kitchen, where self-trained cooks will whip up overly-complex dishes from celebrity chefs who will dismiss our entire project. But hey, they'll still taste good!
(Unfortunately, due to current industry practices, no one named Oscar will be permitted to enter Amy Adams' World at this time.)