Theme Park of the Day: Disney's Animal Kingdom

Last Week At Your Amusement Park......August 8

A digest of amusement park news and rumors...and a couple of rants...with a sense of humor...

From Jeff Elliott
Posted August 9, 2011 at 8:05 AM
Disney Corporation - Disney is looking into doing a hostile takeover of the US government. At a press conference over the weekend, Bob Iger (the great-great-great grandson of the famous lab assistant) stated that since the Disney Corporation has lots of money and the federal government does not, this makes good business sense to us as we will get it on the cheap. Our goal is to buy the government, fire all of its leaders, and sell it off piecemeal to the highest bidders, while retaining some of the major defense contractors to work on our next generation of rides. The outcome that we want is to beef up our security staff with current military members, and install Mickey Mouse, Goofy, and a bunch of rides into the Capital Building and the White House, which according to Iger are already there, but Disney is not currently making any royalties off of them. Iger went on to say that while they are still working on their business strategy, early thoughts are to get rid of unnecessary properties to pay for the cost of the takeover, like the New England states and Montana.

Kings Island - Latest rumors point to a waterpark upgrade for the 2012 season.

Moron of the Week - Cedar Fair - While I have speculated that Cedar Fair received a really nice toaster for every Windseeker that they bought, it looks like what they really got was 3 more complementary Windseekers for the 2012 season. Your guess is as good as mine as to where they are going to be installed, but expect them to be buggy, behind schedule, and dangerous in anything more than a mild breeze. Worlds of Fun is currently in talks with the Mother Ship to theme theirs to a 300ft tall turd. Kings Dominion wants theirs themed to a 20ft tall pile of scrap metal.

Holiday World - While this has been covered on other places on this website, Holiday World's new ride is going to be the same thing as one of the old rides, right next to the old one, and doing the same things as the old one. Apparently the people who they polled for the best idea for the new ride hadn’t been to the waterpark yet.

Thorpe Park - Thorpe Park has announced the name of their new ride: The Swarm. The ride is themed to a redneck’s front yard with abandon vehicles and other debris lying around all over the place. Apparently the Thorpe ride designers saw the amazing parking lot theme of Magic Mountain’s Scream coaster and figured that theming a ride with garbage was at least one better than that. In other news, the toothbrush industry is missing a huge opportunity here to introduce their products to an entirely untapped country, but at least the mouthwash industry has stepped up to the plate and is offering free product at a complimentary mouthwash station. But just like the joke about the person who keeps getting soap for Christmas, they haven’t used the one from last year, so why give them more? Now before I start World War III over these comments, the real news is that Thorpe Park is installing a complimentary mouthwash station at their park because there were guest complaints about other guest’s bad breath, particularly while screaming on coasters. That is the news, I didn’t make it up. The soap and toothbrush things are just suggestions, I live far enough away from there that it doesn’t bother me one way or another, and I totally understand the need to overpower the smell of the French. And we're the ones to get downgraded to AA+....that's fair....

Six Flags America - The park will be offering a free one-day admission ticket to every teacher in the Maryland, DC, and Virginia areas on select days through the end of the season. Great....just what they spend more time with rowdy kids behaving like little monsters away from their parents.....maybe the pyromaniacs fair would have been a better idea.....or celebrating national riot day.....

Six Flags Great America - Iron Wolf’s last day is Sept 5. If you haven’t had a lifetime’s supply of bruising yet, be sure to book a trip before it gets moved or else you will have to reply on regular muggers like everyone else.... In other news, for its 30th anniversary, the American Eagle roller coaster is running the blue cars backwards, which matches up with the Six Flags corporate policy of doing everything backwards.

Freestyle Music Park - The definition of freestyle music is music that you make it up as you go. Without mentioning how truly ironic the name is, a group of investors is talking about reopening the park in time for next season. When questioned about the specifics, the new owners started dancing around any and all specifics....and the freestyling continues...the neighbors and local population don't have any idea that an amusement park is even there...

Universal Studios Hollywood - Alice Cooper is designing a Halloween maze for this year’s Halloween Horror Nights. Just the thought of being forced to listen to Alice Cooper’s music is enough to scare me half to death.......Maybe next year Justin Bieber could design a maze.....

Alton Towers - In a true grassroots effort, the park has removed most of the gaudy Fanta advertisements out of the Oblivion queue that were destroying the atmosphere of the ride. Hopefully this same type of grassroots effort can move the park a little closer to some mass transit areas, away from their irritating neighbors, and somewhere where people don’t drive on the wrong side of the road.

Russia - Russian President Dmitry Medvedev has given the government's approval to build a Disneyland style theme park in the Kaliningrad region. When told that an actual Disneyland was going to cost him $6 billion US, he was quoted as saying, "Are you #%^#^ kidding me?? What about a Busch Gardens?? How about a Six Flags?? A ghetto Six Flags?? How about just a #$%^&* merry-go-round??"

Create My Caption - In the discussion thread below, post your best caption for the following picture, taken at Nara Dreamland (obviously, while it was still open).


If I have missed anything (and I have, so no worries there) please post below. If you have some inside information, more news, more rumors, first rides, please share with the rest of us.

Sources: Screamscape, Amusement Today, and whatever else I happened to read this week...

From James Rao
Posted August 8, 2011 at 5:00 PM
Worlds of Fun getting a Windseeker is great news! Now I won't have to buy everyone in my family a season pass again next year! Cedar Fair just saved me $500! Thanks Cedar Fair for putting in another ride no one cares about.

As for the caption, nothing "family-oriented" comes to mind, so I will abstain.

From Carrie Hood
Posted August 8, 2011 at 7:26 PM

Yeah I've got nothing that's below an NC-17 rating on this one.

From Andrew Carrieri
Posted August 8, 2011 at 7:56 PM
Caption:"Nara Dreamland was closed for good after its owners were found guilty of stealing a hole lot of princesses from Disney."
My other thoughts were rated NC-17.

From Andrew Carrieri
Posted August 8, 2011 at 8:29 PM
Another idea:
"So, she had the baby."

From Tony Duda
Posted August 8, 2011 at 10:44 PM
As for a caption, I just watched a DVD of "Predator" which had 2 jokes that fit this photo but I can't repeat them. The punch lines were "Me too" and "I didn't".

From Jeff Elliott
Posted August 9, 2011 at 6:41 AM
The only thing that would make that picture funnier would be if you could see the face of the ticket seller inside the booth.....kangaroo style.....

I think more dresses should be designed like would get Americans over their prudishness in a hurry....

......the flowers around the window make me laugh every time I look at it....

From Jorge Arnoldson
Posted August 9, 2011 at 7:59 AM
Caption: Get your Cokes down here, guys! My seven short men aren't tall enough to reach my Cokes.

From Jeff Elliott
Posted August 9, 2011 at 8:47 AM
Caption: I have heard of a window into someone's soul, but......

From Jeff Elliott
Posted August 11, 2011 at 12:17 PM
Caption: Park goers line up to purchase all natural lube...

From Todd Houts
Posted August 11, 2011 at 5:54 PM
From the ticket seller inside as the first customer walks up: " I'm sorry, Sir, but obviously we only sell E-tickets from this window."

(Some letter of the alphabet other than "E" repeated three times came to mind too - but this was cleaner.)

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