If I worked at the Onion, you'd be getting many more of these types of stories.
www.theonion.com/article/hundreds-blind-pallid-disney-characters-discovered-55609
This joke would have worked 10x better if it had been Thunder Mountain. That's why we need a theme park expert like you on staff at The Onion, Jeff
Funny you should say that....I have from time to time been trying to figure out how to get an audition to write for them.
Jeff come on! Don't you think Securety has long throw out those Creatures?
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A week early huh?