Let me tell you a factually dubious story about a...um...bicycle. The names have all been changed to protect the involved.
There was a bicycle maker named Velma Kona who had gained notoriety in the past for coming up with a couple of decent bicycle concepts and then mass producing them for anyone who could afford them. In the last several years, Velma’s bicycles became the talk of the world due to some newer and very clever design innovations.
Emma-Jean Landia called Velma and asked about a very exclusive bicycle that had been built in Taiwan twenty years ago. Velma noticed that the exclusivity of the bicycle design had expired, and she could make them for all of her friends now. Velma immediately started building a new version of the old bicycle for Emma-Jean.
While Emma-Jean waited for the bicycle to be built, some of her neighbors broke out into a major skirmish that scared away enough people who wanted to see her bicycle collection that Emma-Jean had no choice but to call Velma and cancel her half-completed order.
Velma was disheartened about the order being cancelled and decided to let some of her other friends know that they had a half-completed bicycle that could be ready soon. Flaggor Sixx (not related to Frank Feranna) said that he had a bike collector in Mexico City who would be happy to take the new bicycle.
Flaggor received all of the parts for the bicycle and was planning on assembling it when he was caught entirely off guard when Flaggor’s neighbors heard that he would need to chop down a tree to install a large bike rack, and got angry about it. Flaggor fought with his neighbors for a year before giving up and deciding he couldn’t keep the bicycle.
Flaggor called his dad, who had just been remarried. His dad told him to call one his new step-brothers, Caesar Pointe. Caesar confirmed that he would happily sell one of his siblings for another bicycle.
It was mentioned that Caesar should maybe think about giving the bicycle to one of his siblings that didn’t have a new bicycle, but Caesar was angry about the electric bike he had purchased last year from Velma that hadn't worked the previous season and was only partially working this year, and decided he deserved the new bicycle himself.
The bicycle was then loaded up and sent to Caesar Pointe’s house, where it was finally named “Siren’s Curse”.
In the meantime, other friends have ordered the same bicycle design from Velma (Al “Kidding Ya” Muzahimiyah and Colton Landau), but have yet to open them.
We haven’t heard from one of Caesar’s new step-sisters named Amelia, and suspect the worst. Please let us know if you hear from her.
Siren's Curse is opening this weekend! Stay tuned for a ride report.
Fortunately, it sounds like Flaggor's Mexico City collector will still indeed be getting a new ride from Velma, but instead of that sweet new bicycle Cesar had to have, they'll be settling for a children's unicycle that won't upset the neighbors. Cesar probably couldn't care less...his roommate turned partner Ilsa Kingo just bought one of the same model last year. What will probably rile Cesar up a bit, however, is when step-sibling and rival bicycle collector Madgeric Montainne upstages him with a one of a kind flying e-bike that Velma isn't even showing off to potential customers yet. Could be some interesting family drama to come on the horizon...
Anyway, fun to see another masterpiece from Mr. Elliott and I look forward to hearing your impressions after taking a spin on Cesar's new bicycle.
We have ridden many of those bicycles & some of our family would like some bicycles that can accommodate larger bodies as many of the bicycle seats are too small. We are excited for Cesar’s new bicycle! I agree that Flaggor needs to chop down that tree! (It was great being able to talk shop with y’all today!) See you around the next bend!
It is nice when you start writing something, and you have to make tough decisions, like changing all of the names to keep from angering people with whom you would like to stay in good graces of so they will invite you back to ride their cool bicycles. And then suddenly it decides to start writing itself and doesn't seem to care if anyone else is going to understand it or not...it becomes a need to get it out on paper. And then, people like it enough to not only say nice things about it, but run with the joke. It makes it all worth it.
@PixiTruck - Thanks for sitting with us and keeping us company while I attempted to hammer out a news story. We love meeting people who can join us in our quest for knowledge and research...making new insiders.
I don't know if anyone got the joke, but Frank Feranna is the actual name of Nikki Sixx, the guitarist of Motley Crue.
I really hate to bury an insider tip this deep into a comment, but...there is an actual legitimate entrance gate on the marina side of Cedar Point right under Valravn. There is no parking there...but if you wanted to rope drop Siren's Curse, I would suggest parking in the main lot and then walking around to the marina entrance...no crowds, nearly instantly inside the park, and a short jaunt to the new coaster.
@Jeff Elliott my adult children had been watching the YouTube channel for awhile and enjoy the POV, reactions, and assessments of the various rides and parks. My oldest son appreciated talking to y’all very much!
& unfortunately yes, I am vintage enough that I remember Frank Carlton Serafino Feranna Jr and his Crüe‘s shenanigans (enjoyed their music) , didn’t make the connection at first (my brain is running on theme park fumes) so thanks for pointing it out! But I suspect that I am not the only rat…
While everybody fights over Velma's bicycles, a designer simply known by the initials S.S. has an incredible bicycle prototype sitting in the middle of the desert, but nobody wants to ride it.
Is it because Velma's bikes are reminiscent of a popular bike model made by legendary bike-builders Bolliger and Mabillard? Probably. But maybe too few bicycle collectors are taking risks diversifying their collections.