Not the theme park apprentice (but the bonus round).

Edited: September 20, 2015, 2:39 PM

Bonus Challenge: A Career-Ending Move

Thank you to everyone who has participated in this season of Theme Park Apprentice. While the competition has ended, we have an "unofficial" bonus challenge for anyone who is interested. There is no restrictions on who may take part in this challenge...any registered member of Theme Park Insider is welcome to submit an entry.


The Challenge

After years of successful attraction design, you are currently working on your dream project, an attraction that could be the greatest ever built. However, your latest project has been leaked and a rival theme park has just announced a new attraction. While not obvious to the general public, you notice that the design is very similar to your recently leaked project. Angry that your dream has been crushed, you decide to sabotage the competition by pitching them a “special” design that you claim is even better than the leaked version. However, your attraction is truly the exact opposite...the worst attraction ever created. In order to be convincing, your attraction should:

*Be realistic.
You can take a few creative liberties, but if your attraction couldn’t exist in reality it isn’t going to be very persuasive.
*Be safe.
The goal is to create an attraction so awful that guests have no desire to re-ride, not create an attraction that guests would be physically unable to re-ride.
*Be unique.
Don’t just take an existing attraction and remove anything that makes it fun, create a new attraction based on the same concept that just fails on every level.

The Proposal

For this challenge, your proposal should be 3-5 pages (not including pictures) and should include:

*The name, theme, and location (if applicable) of your attraction
*The type of attraction and any relevant technical details
*A complete run-through of your attraction, from the entrance to the exit
*Anything else you feel is necessary to portray the terrible nature of your attraction

The Advice

You may utilize any type of attraction (ride, show, or walkthrough) for this proposal. While dark rides are likely the most obvious choice, you are not required to use one.

You may specify a park you are designing your attraction for or you may just create a general attraction not geared toward any specific park.

You are welcome to create a knock-off from any existing attraction, but you may not create a direct clone.

The Deadline

Technically, there is no deadline for this challenge. However, if you would like your proposal to be judged, please submit it by Saturday, September 26th.

Replies (21)

September 20, 2015, 2:33 PM

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September 20, 2015, 2:42 PM

I'm kinda tempted to channel the Producers here for my theme, but I'm worried someone might be offended by a "Springtime for Hitler" themed ride. Would anyone object to such a thing?

September 20, 2015, 2:55 PM

Nein!

Edited: September 21, 2015, 6:50 PM

I would not object either. However, maybe you should put an offensive content warning on the top of your post so that those who would be offended by such a thing can pass over it. For instance,

******OFFENSIVE CONTENT BELOW******

or

******POSSIBLY OFFENSIVE CONTENT BELOW******

Edited: September 21, 2015, 9:43 PM

If you want to do something potentially offensive, that is fine as long as the subject matter is not so current that the proposal would be in very poor taste. You may want to warn readers about mature content and potentially offensive subject matter, however.

I'm debating whether or not I should write an entry for this. I've got a couple good ideas, though I do worry they could be a little too fun to be a horrible attraction. I guess I could write one and just not judge my own (which, given that this is just for fun, would probably be fine). We'll see how much time I have this week.

September 22, 2015, 7:09 PM

Edited: September 24, 2015, 4:24 PM


THE TERRIBLE MOVIE RIDE!

Movies... They take us on extraordinary journeys beyond our wildest dreams and pack the most drama, action, romance and fun possible in a 90-150 minute span. Unfortunately, for every TITANIC and GONE WITH THE WIND, there is a GREMLINS 2 (Oh the horror!).

At Disney's Hollywood Studio's newest attractions, you can experience those awful movies in the wor...I mean, best way possible. Ride the terrible movies on..

THE TERRIBLE MOVIE RIDE (Now in mostly 1D!)

The Terrible Movie Ride, a Fantasyland style dark ride, will replace the great but mostly outdated Tower of Terror, adding a kind of sort of family friendly attraction to the roster of Disney's "weenie park".

ENTRANCE: The facade seems to be made of colored cardboard, just like the defunct word-class attraction Superstar Limo. The art represents a 1950's style drive-in theater.. only for you to find out it's completely trashed. The painted screen is ripped, the cars are rusted, and other assorted abandoned trash is laying around. The only thing that sticks out is a large Radio City type entrance. The ride's name is printed above it in small, nearly unreadable letters.

QUEUE: As an effort to get our nations people some sun, nearly the entire queue is completely outdoors. No roof, no fans, no anything. After nearly sweating to death outside, we enter a small indoor area themed to a production studio that happens to be completely empty. So, in other words, there's nothing there except the loading dock. We board our unthemed ride vehicles, which seat 6 people at one time, and set off on a *cough* amazing *cough* journey.

SCENE 1: AN AMERICAN HIPPIE IN ISRAEL (And yes, this exists)

Our vehicles turn into a Superstar Limo style scene (the walls are painted as a set instead of an honest to god real scene.) which represent a busy square in 1972 Israel. A hippie man anamatronic waves at guests. But watch out! A mime seems to approach right in front of us, until we realize it's a stationary set piece and it retreats back with the help of a visible convener belt. We turn into the next scene.

SCENE 2: BATTLEFIELD EARTH

We seem to enter a space station control room where an anamatronic version of the big-headed alien from the film offers us a selfie. Suddenly, we jolt 20 MPH away from the scene, as it seems our vehicle doesn't want to hang with him. Before riders can recover from the minor jolt and wonder what the heck is going on, we arrive into the final scene (Already?)

SCENE 3: ED WOOD INTERRUPTS OUR TOUR

We appear to finally enter a rich, detailed set based on Toy Story, one of the best animated films ever. Unfortunately, before riders can take it all in, our ride vehicle swerves away until it sees a large screen. Suddenly, an actor representing Ed Wood, who is considered the worst director of all time by movie critic sites, comes on the screen..

ED: Hello fellow guests! You may be wondering what the heck is going on but that's completely normal! The important thing is we just wasted a whole bunch of your time! How do you like that!?

Most riders are offended by this comment, but ED just keeps on rolling.

ED: The only way to get off is to experience the Sight Of Mystery! Watch and learn..

It turns out the "Sight of Mystery" is what is behind Ed's underpants, but before he can act the screen flicks off, leading riders in the dark. The vehicles turn into the loading dock in which they started.

One innocent child in the back might just yell..

"What a piece of (awesomeness) that ride was!"

CONCLUSION (DO NOT SHOW TO IGER)

The Terrible Movie Ride is exactly what it sounds, a terrible Disney ride involving terrible movies and directors.

It is a perfect bad attraction, mixing confusion, jolts, badly designed scenes, low capacity, an outdoor line,etc.

THE TERRIBLE MOVIE RIDE: THE MOST TERRIBLE FUN YOU WON'T EVER HAVE.

(Thanks for reading! Try not to embarrass yourself..)


Edited: September 24, 2015, 4:30 PM

Coming to Disneyland in Anaheim California is DISNEYLAND THE RIDE

Did you ever want to ride a ride that tells you about rides that you could be on if you were not riding this ride about other rides?

More Details Coming on September 26, 2015

September 24, 2015, 7:34 PM

WARNING: The following proposal concerns a contemporary “political” figure whom some people seem to take seriously. It will offend them.

Universal Studios has long held a grudge against Disney for once stealing their Florida studio plans and opening a knockoff in advance. While the idea of Disney building faster than Universal seems today a ludicrous fantasy, it happened! And now that Disney’s Hollywood Studios is entering a new age of transformation, Universal sees the perfect opportunity to “accidentally” feed the competition a lousy attraction. For some reason, Disney didn’t take their first bait – a Jimmy Fallon-themed flight simulator. But Universal again plumbs the deepest pits of NBC, determined to uncover a rancid pile of garbage…and they’ve just found their trump card!

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YOU’RE FIRED!
Height requirement: 48”; Financial requirement: 1%

“You’re Fired!” is a thrilling and flabbergasting new indoor coaster full of twists and turns, perfectly simulating Donald Trump’s mental state whenever he sees an unattractive female or an immigrant. Themed to the most trustworthy and adored public figure in American history, “You’re Fired!” takes riders into the very mind of Donald Trump, beloved celebrity billionaire and future President of the United States of America! Experience Vekoma corkscrews, Immelmann loops, and sudden flip-flops, all designed to mimic The Donald’s profound, thoughtless, bellowing rage! This is one political roller coaster guaranteed to blow your toupee away!

For the fullest realism, “You’re Fired!” replaces Hollywood Studios’ “Tower of Terror,” inspired by Trump’s own love of destroying classic hotels. In the place of that tasteful masterpiece comes a perfect duplicate of Trump Tower, visible from as far as the Magic Kingdom. Around the tower’s base, a completely, totally 100% feasible wall designed to keep out “undesirables.” In order to avoid declaring bankruptcy, Imagineering passes the project’s financial burden on to naïve investors, in a move described as “technically not illegal.”

At Trump’s insistence, Donald Duck is removed from the parks. There can be only one!

“You’re Fired!” employs a brilliant new WASP Pass, which allows park guests “of the proper breeding” to bypass the queue altogether. All others enter a standby queue filled with interactive activities such as unnecessary paperwork, brewing coffee, and literally jumping through hoops. Dominating the queue are two ultra-complex animatronics, one representing Donald Trump, the other his hair. This interactive figure is programmed with over 10 hours of insults and braggadocio.

The boarding station (the Board Room) is blessed with multiple 15-foot-tall solid gold statues of The Donald, sure to delight and inspire all who touch their hems. Male cast members in business suits mistreat guests. Female cast members, recruited from the Miss America Pageant, simply stand around. Roller coaster trains resemble executive work desks, with 6 cars holding 2 rows of 2, for 24 “apprentices” per ride. (Hourly capacity: 1800)

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“You’re Fired!” begins as a dark ride through Trump’s inner sanctum. The scent of champagne and cash pumps in. Paintings depict Trump as all of mankind’s greatest heroes. Animatronic Yes Men populate a conference table. An overhead TV comes on. Guests’ jaws drop as they themselves, peons that they are, are granted an audience with The Donald! He favors the masses with a randomized quote (example: “Part of the beauty of me is I am very rich.”). Yes Men nod in approval. After a pregnant pause, Trump’s ruddy, ill-sculpted visage suddenly blurts out “YOU’RE FIRED!

Trains launch magnetically into a dark, unescapable hellscape – just like America already is, so says Trump! Coaster trains careen unpredictably past nightmare imagery: birth certificates, Chinese flags, Gary Busey. Trains pass enormous cut-outs of Trump himself. Water sprays simulate spittle from the frothing blowhard. More legitimate quotes emit: “You’re disgusting!” “I’m a really smart guy! ” "All the women on 'The Apprentice' flirted with me!" “I am the least racist person there is! ” “Your souls are miiiiine!

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Trains halt before an animated graph of Trump’s electoral standings. The graph takes a sudden nosedive. So does the train, down a freefall track, before it rolls back into the boarding station for no particular reason. Cast members turn red in the face as they shriek at riders to “Get off! GET OFF NOW!” The post-ride deposits guests in individual voting cubicles. They aren’t allowed to leave the attraction until they’ve voted for Trump, at least once.

Universal hopes that “You’re Fired!” will mark a milestone for Disney: the fourth time they’ve filed for creative bankruptcy!

WARNING: The preceding proposal was offensive.

Edited: September 25, 2015, 4:11 AM

I need to explain my entry a bit. Many years ago, during Theme Park Apprentice 2, Jeff Elliott and I were in the finals. It was an international competition, where every challenge was set in some park outside of the U.S. The finals were set in Dubailand, where they are attempting to build a series of theme parks in the desert. I entered "Oasis", a park set in a series of oasis in the desert. It was an elegant, practical, beautiful and fun park. Jeff entered "World Wonders Theme Park", based on the Seven Wonders of the Ancient World and (we estimated) would take up roughly the size of Iraq and would cost something like $14 billion to build (without counting in the toilet paper needed for the 7300 bathrooms). Jeff won by a popular vote of something like 103% (I think he hired a North Korean accounting firm to tabulate the votes). At any rate, we became good friends through the competition, and Jeff told Tim W. (everybody should bow down at his name) something like, in spite of defeating me, that my writing and proposals were good enough to "turn dumpsters into diamonds." I took that as a challenge, so I wrote this proposal to see if I really could. There are no graphics, just text.

So here it is, my entry into Not The Theme Park Apprentice:

Midnight in a Cairo Sewer

World Wonders Theme Park in Dubailand has quickly taken its place as the largest, most popular, most expensive and overpriced, and by far the most confusingly-unique theme park ever constructed by Man. The historic theme, breathtaking attractions and magnificent structures of this epic complex provide guests from around the world an experience that they will remember for a lifetime. However, there is one attraction that, somehow, has been overlooked by most guests, an attraction so unusual that those few guests lucky enough to discover it and experience it leave it unable to find words to describe it. Perhaps that is why so few people know about it. It was inadvertently left off of the guide books and maps of the Egypt section of World Wonders Park; the signs were somehow installed at the wrong location (over the restrooms in front of the Great Pyramid); and the winds that swirl between the massive structures of the Seven Wonders of the World have created large sand dunes that, while beautiful and picturesque, tend to completely cover the gravel walk that leads behind the Great Pyramid to the entrance structure of the attraction. The entrance structure itself resembles a shack more than an example of ancient or traditional Egyptian architecture- so much money was spent on the rest of the park that only scrap lumber left over from other construction sites was available to build it, and the majority of the attraction is underground and covered with sand dunes. The only way that the attraction itself was able to be built was with money from a grant from the Genie Garage Door Company (which- after it realized the attraction was supposed to be in Cairo, Egypt and not Cairo, Illinois- cancelled its sponsorship and removed its corporate name from both signs advertising it).

But for those adventurous souls willing to climb the dunes, fight their way through the stinging winds and blinding sandstorms and eventually reach the backside of the Great Pyramid, the most unusual attraction in all of the World Wonders Theme Park awaits them. They enter the sand-blasted wooden shack, constructed and practically shoved into a dark crack in the rear of the Pyramid, where they discover a rusty manhole cover pushed back away from a round hole leading down into a dark, dank and unpleasant-smelling area. A steep, winding metal spiral staircase leads them down, down, deeper into the dark subterranean realm under the Land of Egypt. Only a few flickering lights, covered with dust and sand, provide illumination for the harrowing and frankly dangerous descent. Finally, those few able to reach the bottom of the staircase without slipping on the narrow (and in some places slightly damp and slimy) treads will discover the best unknown secret in all of World Wonders Theme Park, the most unusually themed attraction to be found anywhere in Dubailand, in the Middle East, in the Eastern (or Northern) Hemisphere, in the Muslim World, on Earth, the Solar System, the Milky Way Galaxy....(sorry- got carried away there). As their eyes grow accustomed to the dim light, they see the Fastpass machines for tickets to-...(wait for it).......................

MIDNIGHT IN A CAIRO SEWER

The Fastpass machines are not operating at this time, but there is no line ahead of the victims...uh, guests, and a sign that says, "Approximate Wait From This Point Is..." has a hand-written sign stuck into the slot that says "Move your bloody ass- we want to go home!" Riders proceed down a round brick-lined hallway with a narrow trickle of murky water running down the center. An occasional work light in a wire cage hangs from the ceiling, with a few shooting sparks from the sockets as water drips onto the worn, frayed wiring. The hallway ends in a dark, dank, dreary, desolate, (insert your favorite "D" adjective here) dungeon-like room, with slimy walls and a sickening greenish light filtering through the cobwebs that cover the few metal grates in the ceiling. An ancient-looking man, wearing a pair of dirty, rotting coveralls that have a patch saying "Cairo Water Treatment Authority- The More You Poop, The More We Produce", points you to the waiting ride vehicle, a filthy, rusting contraption that looks to be a former dumpster for garbage from the worst neighborhood of Cairo. These disgustingly-rancid smelling metal crates have the letters "DD" on the sides and front of each vehicle. After the riders take their seats (actually old wooden crates tied to the floor with bailing twine) and the doors slowly creak closed, the ride attendant tells you, "Keep hands and arms and any other body parts you might come across inside the dumpster at all times, and for Allah's sake DON'T TOUCH ANYTHING! I assume you've all had your shots." He reaches up, grabs a wooden handle on a chain that looks like the pull chain on an ancient water closet toilet, pulls the chain, and nothing happens. He mutters something in Arabic, pulls on the chain a few more times, and finally riders hear the sound of a toilet flushing and the dumpster starts to slowly, jerkily roll forward into the pitch black tunnel ahead. As it passes the attendant, riders might hear him mutter, "Losers" as they enter the tunnel and begin their adventure.

The Dumpstermobile carries the riders deep into the subterranean tunnels of the Cairo sewer system. Just enough lights penetrate the gloom to show that they are passing though low-ceilinged, narrow tunnels lined with brick. Occasionally a patched-together support of old boards and a few metal poles helps to keep the ceiling from collapsing onto the floor of the tunnel. The speed picks up, the light fades to blackness, and soon the riders are racing though a wild-mouse type roller coaster in pitch-black darkness, with nothing but the screams of their fellow riders and the smells of the sewer. Occasionally a spinning manhole cover goes whizzing by, looking a bit like a large chocolate chip cookie. Suddenly, just enough light shines down from a metal grate in the ceiling to show that the floor of the tunnel ahead has collapsed, and the track carrying the Dumpstermobile has collapsed into the hole! The vehicle and riders plunge nearly straight down into the blackness, the track turning in the darkness to totally disorient the riders.

The Dumpstermobile slows and levels off, and enters a dimly lit, obviously ancient chamber. The walls are of stone, with Egyptian hieroglyphs carved into the walls. Only the most knowledgeable Egyptologists will be able to read them- fortunately- because these ancient writings- visually beautiful to behold- are actually pornographic graffiti written thousands of year ago by bored workers during their lunch break. The floor is littered with broken pottery, some rotting chairs and other pieces of wood that once might have been furniture, and a two-seater chamber pot that still has a roll of toilet papyrus sitting next to it.

The ride vehicle carries the brave explorers into another chamber, similar in appearance to the first but without the dirty writing. This chamber seems to be partly filled with junk of all kinds and from all eras of Egypt. Perhaps overflow from the sewers above washed in here over time, leaving behind the heavier refuse of the past 5,000 years? The smashed cabinet from a 1950's television has washed up against a chariot wheel, and tin cans and beer bottles are piled up inside and next to a half-opened but otherwise empty mummy case. This junk is scattered throughout the chamber, which seems to twist and turn ahead of the Dumpstermobile's path.

The riders begin to notice movement. A few of the pieces of junk begin to wiggle, as if something is under them. Suddenly the mummy case is flung open, scattering the cans and startling the riders, but it is only a rat. A big, dirty, disgusting rat. It runs off into another pile of rubbish. The Dumpstermobile continues to move along the path between the piles of trash and turns a corner, passing around an especially large trash heap which blocks their view of what is ahead. Softly at first, then more noticeable, the riders hear something- music. Music? Clear down here in the depths of the Cairo sewer? Then they see the source of the music.

A scene reminiscent of a nightmare from their past.

A scene that brings terror to all who witness it.

A scene that triggers something in their brains that will take years to recover from.

Hundreds of rats, dressed in ratty-yet-colorful costumes from all over the world, are dancing and singing on a huge set constructed from trash. Italian rats dance next to the Leaning Tower of Pizza Boxes. Chinese rats dance next to and on the Great Wall of Chinese Food Carry-Out Boxes. American rats dance the Twist on piles of 33 1/3 LP vinyl records with their record covers hanging behind as stained and torn but still colorful backdrops.

And the song. The melody is the same, is so familiar, is so ingrained into the riders subconscious mind, even into their DNA, that they can't help themselves. They start to hum along. They start to smile, a forced, almost maniacal smile. And they hate themselves for it. But the words are what they notice the most. The familiar words are gone, replaced with words that will haunt them and their therapists for years to come.

"It's a world of garbage, a world of trash,
And the $#!+ we eat looks like last year's hash.
But it's fun, we don't care, 'cause we all are aware
It's a sewer after all."

"It's a sewer after all!
It's a sewer after all!
It's a sewer after all,
And we all are rats!"

"There is just one thing that we rodents do,
That is eat the refuse that comes from you.
So don't recycle that, and please lock up the cat,
It's our sewer, this is true."

"We are vermin after all!
We are vermin after all!
We are vermin after all!
It's a smelly world!"

The music continues as a rat flies overhead under a kite made from an Arabic newspaper. Rats dressed as British soldiers march in front of The Tower of London made from empty tin cans. Rats in Hawaiian shirts ride old ironing boards like they are surf boards. The guests trapped in the Dumpstermobile are by this time screaming in terror so loud that the lyrics are totally unintelligible- only the music, the piercing music continues to permeate through the chaos.

Finally the riders are carried away from the terror of this scene, down another dark stone corridor and up to a massive door carved from stone and hanging on huge hinges of bronze, now green with age. The Dumpstermobile stops in front of the door, a doorbell rings, a familiar voice behind the door pleasantly says, "Come in," and the doors slowly creak open. The light from the chamber spilling into the dark corridor is almost blinding, and the ride vehicle rolls past the now fully open doors and into a majestic room of finely-carved stone, with columns of Pharonic Egyptian splendor soaring up toward the unseen ceiling, lost in the darkness far overhead. The room is filled with huge piles of golden objects: gold statues of Egyptian gods and goddesses; solid gold mummy cases; golden chariots; golden chests overflowing with golden jewelry. The treasures of King Tut's tomb times one thousand! As the vehicle reaches the center of the room and the doors close behind it, one of the mummy cases begins to move, shake, rattle, (not roll) and the lid slowly opens. The mummy inside starts to move, arms outstretched and reaching for the riders when suddenly a blast of smoke obscures the mummy (which closes and disappears in the smoke) and who should appear against the wall (using the same technology stolen...er, rented from WWOHP)? The Genie from "Aladdin"!!!

"Hello! Hello! Salutations all you little explorers! However did you find me? I thought I'd hidden myself pretty well!"

He is suddenly replaced with a large tree, which Genie peeks around from behind. The tree then vanishes, and Genie is dressed as Sherlock Holmes, magnifying glass and all.

"Quite the little detectives, aren't you?" as he peers at the riders through the magnifying glass, his eye suddenly huge through the lens. Suddenly he reappears as his usual self.

"I suppose you wonder what I'm doing down here. I'll give you three guesses, sort of like that three wishes thing," but before anyone in the Dumpstermobile can answer, he says to three different people in the vehicle, "Wrong! Wrong! and you are SO wrong! I knew you were going to say that- they all do." He suddenly appears dressed as a tacky American tourist, Hawaiian shirt, plaid Bermuda shorts, socks and sandals, and a tacky hat.

"I'm on an extended vacation! Ever since that boy Aladdin set me free I've been having the best time doing what I want to do. the trouble is, spending ten thousand years in a lamp leaves one rather pale."

He turns completely white.

"I tried getting a tan, but forgot all about that SPF sun protection thing."

Genie is suddenly laying on a lounge chair in the desert, tanning, but the sun's rays suddenly incinerate him to a charred cinder. He pulls himself together, back into his usual appearance, and continues.

"I mean, I really like Arabia. It is my hometown and all, but until I can work up my tan a bit I decided to stay undercover most of the time. That's when I found this really great room for rent! Of course, the neighbors are kind of annoying. All that singing and dancing and that insipid song just about drives me nuts!"

He turns into a pile of walnuts, then reassembles himself.

"But I just plug in my headphones," (he puts earphones in and plugs them into an MP3 player), "turn the volume up to eleven" (cranks the volume up so loud that the deafening music causes his eyes to bug out and the earphones to pop out of his head) "and go on about my business."

"I intend to get rid of all this junk," he says as he gestures to the piles of priceless gold artifacts and suddenly is dressed like a maid, then returns to normal when he says, "but I keep thinking that somebody might want some of this old junk someday. Until then, I'll just keep stepping around it."

"OK now, you crazy kids, time for you to be moving along. I'm on a very tight schedule, but I do feel generous today. How about I grant you one wish? Perfect! Fabulous!! And since I'm now free- thank you Aladdin!!- I'll grant my own wish for you! Oh, wow, this is great!! Let's see...eternal life? No, I've tried that- Bo-r-r-r-ring! Universal health care? Oh, no, way too controversial! I've got it! That, that, thing you're driving- what in the world is that? It looks like a trash dumpster! What's that on the front of it? Looks like a nameplate.. what does "DD" stand for? Never mind. I'll pretend it stands for Diamond Dumpster. How about I change it into a Diamond Dumpster? You drive it home, break it down for scrap, sell the diamonds on the black market and Shazam! (wow, now that's a name from my past- what a schmuck!) you're richer than the Catholics and the Mormons combined! Hold on!"

The Dumpstermobile starts to spin, slowly at first, then faster, while the lights in the room begin to blink, go out, flicker, which distracts the riders while panels on the side of the Dumpstermobile slide and flip over. The spinning slows and stops, the lights return to how they were before, and the Dumpstermobile is now the Diamondmobile, clean and covered with sparkling diamonds.

"Wow, am I good or what?! OK, you're outta here!"

The Diamondmobile moves out of Genie's chamber, with Genie now dressed like Jed Clampett waving and hollering to them, "Ya'll come back now, ya'hear?!" The now glittering and gleaming vehicle exits the room and, after passing down a stone corridor comes to the exit platform for the attraction, which is unfortunately far below ground. The riders leave the Diamondmobile, which will immediately take off before they can grab any of the diamonds (ok, Rhinestones, and cheap ones at that). They pass through the doorway marked "Exit" and find themselves in a large, square room. They look up. And up. And they realize that they are in the Grand Staircase of Hogwarts School, with dozens of staircases constantly moving, twisting, rotating, and making their only way out of the Sewers of Cairo another life-threatening adventure.

The guests now have to esca..er..climb up the constantly moving staircases to reach the surface and the Sewer Store. This can be done, but will take probably over an hour of waiting for the staircases to align themselves just right. During this time, the Harry Potter theme music will be broadcast over and over, repeating the same songs ad nauseum, while the paintings that hang from the walls constantly insult, ridicule, attempt to mislead the climbers and cause them to fall to their deaths, and generally make this one of the most annoying parts of any attraction at World Wonders Theme Park.

Those guests who manage to climb safely to the surface will enter the Sewer Store, where the rickety, rotting, crooked, dusty shelves hold some unusual souvenirs: a few Betamax copies of "Midnight in a Cairo Sewer" POV (which is odd, since this attraction was built years after Betamax was discontinued); some MIACS snow globes, which are full of sand instead of water and glitter, and since nearly all of the attraction is underground all anyone can see is a layer of sand in the globe); a collection of tiny costumes identical to the ones the rats were wearing in the attraction, perfect for guests who want to dress up their own pet rats; and some bottles of toilet bowl cleaner with special collector toilet bowl brushes themed to the ride, but the toxic chemicals inside have totally eaten away the bottom of the bottles, causing it to run all over the shelf and the floor, eating holes into the wood and leaving a slightly smoking residue behind.

There are also photos available of the riders taken while watching the rats perform, but most of the images show the riders screaming in agony and covering their eyes and faces. There is nobody to help the riders in purchasing them, or actually in purchasing anything in the shop. A note hanging on the front of the cash register says, "Just put the money in the register" and the register door is open, but the cash drawer is missing. The exit door is next to the register, and leads to a short alleyway behind the Great Pyramid. The tired, exhausted and thoroughly annoyed riders proceed down the alleyway, turn a corner expecting to return to the park, and find themselves in the desert outside of the park. They run back to the door, but it is locked from the inside, and only those visitors lucky enough to have had their hands stamped earlier for re-admission can get back into the park without purchasing another ticket, and even then they must walk nearly one-half mile over sand dunes, around barb wire and through a raging river of water (the overflow from the critically-acclaimed and commonly considered far superior neighboring theme park "Oasis"), around the perimeter of the park to get back to the Rocks of Gibraltar and the entrance gate.

"Midnight in a Cairo Sewer"- an attraction unlike any other at any theme park, the pride of "World Wonders Theme Park."


Edited: September 25, 2015, 7:42 AM

Titanic – The Authentic Experience

There are many Titanic exhibits throughout the world. Its close encounter with an iceberg is a tragedy that seems to hit all of the right cords with people, not to mention a top grossing movie. There are permanent exhibits in the Luxor in Las Vegas as well as many different locations like Orlando, Branson, and others. Even the “Unsinkable” Molly Brown mansion in Denver, Colorado is now a museum. The problem with these exhibits is that they only show artifacts from the opulent ship that sank, but even as they try, they cannot recreate what it was like on the ship.

Introducing Titanic – The Authentic Experience

This will be a combination of dinner theater with an attraction backend.

Guests will be ticketed to arrive at certain times at two hour intervals. After the guests sign the lengthy waivers and sign away any legal status, they will gain entrance to the facility, they are split by gender and sent off to dressing rooms, where regular street clothes are put in lockers and swopped out for period style dresses and tuxes of the 1910’s which are provided by the attraction. After the guests are properly kitted out in the highest of fashion from 1912, they are led to a large room where a scaled down version of the front third of the Titanic has been built. The only parts of the ship that have been built out are the deck, and some facilities for restrooms, the rest is just a façade. There will be a couple of departures from a true copy of the Titanic, as most of the objects on the deck will be built out of foam and painted to look like wood or steel.

Guests will be led up a gangway to the deck of the ship, 70 feet over a large pool of water, to a long banquet table and given seats. The sides and ceiling of the room will be painted white and projections of sky and ocean will complete the illusion of the boat being out in the middle of the ocean. Once all of the guests have arrived, a light dinner will be served and a string quartet will play. Right before dessert is served, there will be a grinding noise and a bit of a bump, but nothing so severe as would knock over a wine glass. An actor playing the captain will be seen scrambling around but will reassure the guests that the Titanic is just fine. After the dessert, the guests will be distracted away from the table, and getting up from the table, they will notice for the first time that the ship is listing a little forward and a bit to the right. Behind them, the servers will collect all of the chairs and disconnect the tables and put them out of the way and locked down.

The ship will then correct its list to the right but then tilt a little more forward, and the stay this way for a bit. The captain will have disappeared, but other planted actors will reassure everyone that everything is as it should be. Soon after, the electricity cuts out and in mostly darkness, the ship will then start to tilt forward slowly eventually going up to a 90 degree angle and dumping all of the guests into the Arctic waters.

While the water will seem very cold, it will only be at 75 degrees, which will seem plenty cold enough to give the illusion of artic waters. The ship will sink into the waters and disappear. There will be divers with scuba gear that will make sure all of the guests get out of the ship ok, and there will be actors in with the guest that will help to lead them toward safety. On the far side of the large room will be a small cave structure hidden behind a waterfall that will glow blue in the near complete darkness of the rest of the large room.

Guests will climb through the waterfall, completely drenching anything and everything that wasn’t already drenched after getting dumped into the frigid water. Guests will climb out of the frigid water and into the cave. There will be air conditioners blowing on the guests to heighten the feeling of freezing and making people shiver, the first step of hypothermia. The floor of the cave will be very uneven and will occasionally shift positions with rollers under the mesh that acts as the floor, letting the guests experience the second step of hypothermia, namely the loss of coordination. The third step of hypothermia is that people turn blue, this will already be underway with the previously mentioned blue lights. To hit the fourth step of hypothermia, further through the cave, we will have speakers that play someone’s voice and a very slow speed, simulating the brain slowing down.

The fifth and final stage of hypothermia involves the body pumping as much blood to the extremities as possible. This is the stage that people suffering from hypothermia usually wind up taking off their jackets because they are suddenly very warm as their body makes a last ditch effort to cling to life. This is quickly followed by more disorientation, with a fight or flight response, and then the brain shuts down.

To pull this off, guests will climb back into the water, but this time the water is very warm, like bathwater. There are petal powered ducks floating in the water and if the guests climb onto one, which will prove to be very difficult, pedaling the duck will merely make it quack and not have anything to do with the speed in which the duck moves. The ducks are meant to act as the last salvation, but the currents in the water will make sure and push the drifting ducks under every falling water element. The warm lazy river will mender through a series of caves that are disorienting, jarring, and downright strange. There will be spinning wheels, pulsating colors, strange and sudden noises. There will be a cow on a cable swing past, and strobe light on an animatronic that will look like it hasn’t actually moved in years. This section is designed to last for way to long and then repeat itself if the guests can’t figure out how to leave. This is supposed to simulate the brain checking out and hallucinating as it shuts down. The lazy river will have a fairly strong current since from the top of the warm lazy river to the bottom will be about twenty feet in elevation. At the bottom of the lazy river will be a moving ramp that will carry the guests back to the top of the lazy river for another ride down the trippy lazy river. Blue waves will be projected down into the water and walls to make the guests feel like they are sinking into the ocean.

The exit for the warm lazy river will be hidden halfway up the lift hill ramp, and facing backwards, to where you would need to be looking in the down direction or else you would never see it.

Guests exiting the lazy river will find themselves in Hell. Well, to be specific, this hell is going to be more like the Greek Underworld instead of the Christian version of Hell. This part of the ride will be extremely warm, with the heat in the area cranked up to 85-90 degrees. There will only be one or two gates and checkpoints into the Underworld so there should always be a long line. After waiting in line for an unpleasantly long time, guests will finally be given access to the Underworld.

Throughout the Underworld there will be different actors living through the Kübler-Ross 5 stages of loss, namely Denial, Anger, Bargaining, Depression, and Acceptance. The actors will be having arguments with the denizens of the Underworld loudly enough that everyone will be able to hear what is going on.

Right after entering, there will be a sign pointing to the left that says Salvation on it. Most people will choose to go in the direction of Salvation. After again waiting for an unpleasantly long line, guests will gain access to the ride itself. After getting strapped into the ride, the lights will go out and a projection of an angel will explain the situation about how this group of people is going to Heaven and why they have earned that right. The guests will then hear the ride spinning up as if it were about to launch them all of the way toward Heaven, but then it just jerks forward a little bit, seems to power cycle down a little bit before jerking forward again and then coming to a complete stop. The angel then reappears and says that there wasn’t enough goodness from all of the people on the ride combined to allow the guests to go to Heaven, they are then unstrapped and dumped back out into hell a couple of feet from where they entered the ride’s queue.

On the far side of the large room is a large maze, in the middle of the maze is the exit. To intensify the fact that this is hell, a single awful song will play on a thirty second loop that is randomly going to stop and back track, never ever making it to the end or beginning. The song will be played loud enough to be just shy of the pain threshold and will be a scratchy copy of the Barry Manilow song Trying to Get the Feeling.

The only way to get out of the maze is to buy a $7 key card located in a cash-only vending machine (that gives no change and will accept no coinage or $5 bills….and regularly eats people’s money) just outside the gates of hell. You will then need to take the keycard to the middle of the maze and swipe it on one of 7 doors. Only one door is the correct one and swiping your card deactivates it, so you will have to go get a new one. If you already have the physical car, reloading the card is $1.20 in the same machine as before. The correct trapdoor will change after every successful swipe. The unlocked trapdoor will allow people to drop through it until the heavy spring-loaded door shuts again, at which time it will lock. People who go through the trapdoor will drop down onto a black thick mat just far enough away that they will be unable to hold open the door. The heavy door will be built so that it will only open to a 75 degree angle, forcing a person to expend a bunch of energy to hold it open for others.

Guests are then put through a locker room to switch back into their street clothes and finally a ride exit photo booth and gift shop. The gift shop will feature tshirts of the Titanic as well as ones that feature the different stages of hypothermia and Kübler-Ross.

The guest will be able to go home having experienced what it was like to eat on the Titanic, ride the Titanic down to it watery grave, go crazy from hypothermia, die from hypothermia, and experience the joys of being dead first hand.

This will be a 3-4 hour attraction and will cost $120 including the light dinner, dessert, and wine.

Titanic – The Authentic Experience

More authentic then any survivor would have experienced.

Edited: September 26, 2015, 5:11 PM

Hello! So, I was all set to post my Book of Mormon flume ride (soon coming to Disney World), but now that I've read it all over, I think it goes against the site's guidelines and is simply too offensive. If anyone has any interest in reading it, you can contact me at johhnyboy240@gmail.com. I found it amusing but it's very inappropriate, and I'm not sure it will make sense to people who don't know the show. I would absolutely love to get critiques on it, but I simply don't think I can post it here. Sorry

@realDonaldDuck

September 26, 2015, 6:20 PM

Sounds interesting. Send it to me at jim@themeparkinsider.com and thanks for taking the time to create a challenge!

Edited: September 26, 2015, 8:37 PM

Puncakes and More
Universal Studios Florida
“We won’t give you the crepes.”

Restaurant

If you have bad taste, you wouldn’t just like our food but also our puns! At Puncakes and More, nothing is more cheesy than our restaurant, but that is nacho problem. We’re a full service restaurant located in a underutilized basement that you probably wouldn’t find otherwise in Universal Studios Florida! But remember, as long as the steaks are low, there’s plenty of room for the expectations of our (under)valued guests!

RESTAURANT MENU

Drinks

When the waiter comes to serve the customers’ drinks, he (accidentally) spills it on himself, but refuses and assistance from the guests, commenting, “It’s okay. This one’s on me.”

Iced Water - The perfect thing to reply when the waiter rudely asks, “Come on, Water you wanting to drink?”

Orange Juice - People question whether we actually put oranges in this, but remember kids, that’s only Pulp Fiction!

Cocacola Soft Drinks - You won’t get enough of this stuff - it’s sodalicious!

Fine Wine - Don’t drink too much; you wouldn’t want to experience the Grapes of Wrath!

Main Dishes

Puncakes - With our array of inefficient syrup containers, there’s literally nothing preventing you from getting into a sticky situation!

Sushi - of course, because that’s how we roll.

$1000 Stew - Why is this stew so expensive? Well we did add 50 carrots.

World Dish - You don’t need a passport to try the Turkey Chile.

Grilled Lobster Dish - We apologize in advance if our chefs are accident prawn.

Daily Seafood Special - This meal is so cheap that customers always ask, “what’s the catch?”

Shepherd’s Pie - Mother Teresa wasn’t the only “mother” who encouraged her children to give peas a chance.

Steak - For those discriminate tastebuds that only try quality steak very rarely.

Loco Moco with Egg - It’s eggsactly what the Hawaii locals eat, and you definitely can’t beat it!

Chicken Tortilla - ...And that’s a wrap!

Desserts

Couple special - A specialty dessert for those that make a great pear.

Ice Cream Cone with a Newspaper napkin - With this delicious dessert, you’ll always have the scoop!

Chocolate Delight - For those daring customers who are willing to put their money behind bars.

Visit Puncakes and More, opening at Universal Studios Florida in Summer 2016. Thanks for reading; I hope this proposal wasn’t such a pun-ishment.

Kinda felt obligated to make a proposal since this was my idea...thanks judges! Hopefully that wasn't as painful to read as it was to write.

Edited: September 26, 2015, 9:14 PM

Due to this last week being crazy busy (I've been waking up at 6 every morning and staying up til 10:30 every night), I've had no time at all to write my challenge, so unfortunately, I won't be able to post my bad ride idea by the deadline. However, I will be able to post Disneyland: The Ride next weekend, if anyone is still interested.

September 26, 2015, 11:46 PM

realDonaldDuck, feel free to send your proposal to rcdude@cox.net and I'll get a critique to you within a couple days. While I haven't actually seen Book of Mormon, I've heard a lot about the show.

Juan, feel free to share your proposal when it is ready. I'll definitely read it and may write you a critique.

For everyone else, I'll have a critique for your bad idea at some point tomorrow. I've also got a bad idea of my own to share, but I'll hold off on that until after posting critiques. I don't want to give too much away, but let's just say it is what Radiator Springs Racers could have been if DCA 1.0 endured.

September 27, 2015, 3:13 AM

Karina, do you realize how hard it is to groan and laugh at the same time? Great work!!!

September 27, 2015, 1:05 PM

Katrina, always remember that a pun, when it reaches maturity, is fully groan. Great proposal! Actually, there were a lot of great proposals! I'm a particularly big face of Douglas'! Great work everyone!

September 27, 2015, 5:06 PM

I promised some type of critique, so here they are. Everyone created something fun to read in this round, and while some are worse than others all of these would definitely be a bad mark on their respective parks.

Tyler (The Terrible Movie Ride): Nice twist on an actual theme park attraction. Replacing Twilight Zone Tower of Terror would get a ton of public backlash, therefore it is an excellent move. Your facade perfectly sets up what guests are about to experience, fully representing the low quality attraction to be found within. The queue line sounds extremely boring and uninteresting, which is not good, but I think you could have made a worse line. I have not seen either of the films referenced in the ride, but they seem like good choices for this attraction. The final scene on the ride may improve the quality a tiny bit too much as Toy Story is actually a good movie, but the abrupt ending guarantees an unsatisfying conclusion. Overall, you've created a perfectly good way to persuade guests to waste valuable vacation time, and unlike Superstar Limo you might actually see a line here due to the relative lack of attractions at DHS.

Douglas (You're Fired!): A ride based on a celebrity of uncertain popularity? This ought to be good, er, bad. The fact that you've gone with Vekoma for this coaster is an immediate testament to the quality (or lack thereof) of this attraction. Again, replacing the most popular ride in the park is a way to guarantee backlash from the public and must be done to earn your ride the respect it deserves. Giving Donald Duck the boot will also add to the backlash of your attraction. The queue line for your attraction has to be one of the most boring interactive queues out there, and if guests are required to complete all these mundane tasks before riding just to get an audience with Donald Trump you'll certainly have some frustrated customers. The board room is an excellent loading area for the ride, making guests feel miserable for what they are about to experience. Just make sure that the cast members do actually care about safety...injury or death is too extreme here, even for this challenge. You may want to have a longer, boring show scene prior to guests being fired, particularly referencing their failure to complete the tasks in the queue line (even if they were completely successful). As for the ride itself, I imagine this being a Trump-ized version of Revenge of the Mummy crossed with the roughness of a Vekoma, making it the perfect ride for gaining popularity. Overall, this is a pretty humorous proposal for a ride that would be detested by riders yet accomplish its primary goal: win Trump the presidency in 2016. Just make sure that mandatory voting is secret so it doesn't get shut down by the authorities.

James (Midnight in a Cairo Sewer): I read this proposal before and it is just as hilarious the second time around. The idea of making an unofficial hidden attraction is brilliant, as those who discover it will no doubt be inspired to ride and, if they complain afterward, the park can deny knowledge of its existence. The entrance and staircase leading to the attraction only add to the mystique, as guests will have no clue what to expect. Even upon reaching the station, while guests know that they are about to take a ride through the sewers in a dumpster, none will suspect what truly waits for them inside. The first portion of your ride sounds reminiscent of the Dark Knight coaster, one of the worst major roller coasters ever built. Fortunately, there is more to the ride than this, as following the drop a dark ride begins. The dark ride taking guests through a subterranean junkyard would be interesting to experience and may cause some guests to question what they have gotten themselves into. However, nothing can prepare them for the horror of the following scene featuring dancing and singing rats. Those who love It's a Small World will likely have their feelings for that ride ruined at this point, and those who don't will likely be wishing they had brought a firearm along with them. After escaping the nightmare, the following scene featuring the Genie may be a welcome relief. However, his appearance is really nothing but disappointment for riders, and the fact that they can't take their diamonds with them afterwards will be even more disappointing. Escaping from this hellish ride is an adventure itself, but remember...killing guests is not a good idea. Lastly, leaving the attraction and exiting outside the park is just another kick while guests are down. Overall, this is among the worst of the worst when it comes to bad attractions, and it is something I would like to experience (but only once) just to see for myself.

Jeff (Titanic-The Authentic Experience): Titanic is very overused and plenty of bad attractions exist based on it. You, however, may have created the most appealing "bad attraction" ever made. Liability waivers are obviously necessary for this attraction and allow you to put guests through a more extreme experience. Using period clothing is perfect for maintaining the "authentic" part of the attraction. Beginning with a nice dinner is a good way to distract participants and while many will know what is going to happen, they won't know when. As the ship begins to tilt, panic will surely set in among the guests, but again, this is all authentic. Once guests are dumped in the water, this attraction begins to stray a bit from authentic, but as these deviations are intended to portray the experience as safely as possible they are understandable. While not in significant danger, guests will become more and more miserable as they are forced to swim toward the cave and then are forced to experience simulated hypothermia. Getting into the warm water may be viewed as relief, but little do guests know their experience is far from over. The trippy lazy river is brilliant and anyone who willingly rides this around in circles likely has something wrong with their brain. Forcing all the "dead" visitors to enter Hell may garner protests from some religious groups, but it is a necessary risk for this attraction. The Underworld will probably be appreciated until guests are dry, at which time it will become uncomfortable and unpleasant. Salvation is a great way to trick guests, and I'm sure many will waste far too much time waiting for it. The exit of Hell is perfect and I'm guessing many guests will get very frustrated trying to escape. Overall, this is another one of those attractions that I would love to do once just to experience it, and I think you've created one of the best tourist trap attractions ever made.

Karina (Puncakes and More): While obviously assembled rather quickly, you've definitely gone all out with a great pun-filled proposal. Anyone who likes groaners would have to dine here, and I think it would be difficult to avoid a random outburst of laughter while reading the menu. It's very basic, but it works and it wasn't too painful to read.

I've still got something coming later tonight...stay tuned.

September 27, 2015, 5:42 PM

I just realized something about my ride: I've committed major voter fraud in Florida! We all remember 15 years ago, the last time this happened? Yeesh! It's one thing to create a bad theme park attraction (and I think the rest of yours are worse, and therefore better, than mine). It's another thing completely to take down an entire nation along with it!

Edited: September 28, 2015, 12:03 AM

Okay, here we go. I've got a feeling this is just a little bit too fun to be considered a bad attraction, and I didn't spend too much time working on it, but I definitely think it is worth sharing.

In 2012, Disney California Adventure Park opened Radiator Springs Racers. This attraction was so popular that lines up to 7 hours were not uncommon at first, and even today it regularly gets 60+ minute waits. Fastpasses are typically gone within an hour on all but the least crowded days, with those who cannot arrive early forced to endure the wait or skip the ride. However, what exists today was not the original plan for the attraction. Back in the dark days, when the park was known as Disney's California Adventure, an attraction was pitched that, had Michael Eisner not been sent off to Theme Park Prison, may have come to fruition. That attraction was known as:

Interstate Crash Course

Located south of the Twilight Zone Tower of Terror on a site formerly used for parking, Interstate Crash Course represents all the joys of driving on the Los Angeles freeway system. During their ride, guests will experience what any Southern Californian can get on a daily basis without paying for an admission ticket. However, in typical Disney fashion, a twist has been placed on the attraction.

Queue

The experience begins as guests line up outside a rather unappealing DMV building. A queue with minimal organization zig-zags out front, exposed to the elements. Once guests make it inside, they find themselves in more switchbacks that eventually lead to one of 3 DMV counters currently in operation. Just before reaching the counter, the Fastpass queue joins the main queue.

Guests are called to the next available counter one party at a time. At this point, the party must select a responsible person 16 years of age or older to be the driver. The driver must provide a valid driver's license and credit card to cover any incidental damage occurring during the attraction, and then each member of the party is given a vision test. Provided all pass, everyone receives a clipboard with several pages of paperwork. The party is given a number, then instructed to fill out the paperwork (which includes a registration form, liability waiver, and other miscellaneous documents) and take a seat in the waiting area (which consists of rows of cheap plastic chairs) until their number is called. In order to ensure there will always be a significant wait in the waiting room, the attraction opens at park opening but guests do not begin cycling through the ride until 30 minutes later.

Eventually, guests hear their number and proceed to the pre-show queue. Here, every guest hands over their completed paperwork (if it is incomplete, they are given a new number and sent back) and gets a photograph taken before entering the holding pen. When the room is ready, the doors to the preshow room open.

Pre-Show

The pre-show takes place in a very basic presentation room that can accommodate around 250 visitors standing. A gigantic TV screen on one wall and speakers on the sides are the only decorations. Once everyone is inside, the 10 minute pre-show begins. Guests learn that instead of just going for a drive, they have become test drivers of a new prototype autonomous vehicle. This will be the first test on public roadways, but scientists are confident everything will operate as planned. Just in case, however, they run through all the safety features of the vehicle (which allow for manual control should the automated systems fail) and remind visitors of the rules of the road. Once the video ends, guests exit the other side of the pre-show room into another switchback queue.

Boarding Area

The switchback queue leads to the boarding area, a parking lot curb with makeshift loading gates installed. Prototype cars proceed through the station, each resembling a typical convertible but with low sides and seats. Cars load in groups of four, seating two riders in the front row and three in the back. Unlike a normal car, the driver is permitted to sit anywhere in the vehicle. However, all gauges are on the front dashboard of the car. After everyone is seated, the operator makes sure that everyone is buckled and checks for their knowledge of hand signals, then clears the vehicle for dispatch.

Ride Experience

This ride uses a hybrid of Disney's trackless technology and the test track technology. By using both of these together, vehicles are able to travel at freeway speeds without being bound to a fixed track. In actual practice, scale is used to simulate higher speeds and the ride vehicles generally do not travel above 40 MPH. Just in case something happens, however, each car is surrounded by a gigantic rubber bumper to absorb impacts. The track for this ride primarily consists of four concentric rings (numbered 1-4 as they move inward), the outermost of which is 1/3 of a mile long. Connections exist from each ring to every other ring, as well as to the maintenance area, and the outer ring connects to the station. The rings are oval shaped, wide enough to accommodate three cars abreast, and to prevent the NASCAR effect cars travel in a different direction around each one. Walls on the side of the track are decorated as simulated skyscrapers using forced perspective and the track is striped as a three-lane interstate.

After leaving the station, cars proceed up a ramp to a traffic meter. When the meter turns green, one car at a time accelerates to 35 MPH and merges onto ring 1, moving into the center lane of the interstate. This ring is lightly populated with other vehicles, some containing riders and some which are dummy vehicles controlled by the computer to simulate traffic. The GPS at the front of the car announces the appropriate exit for the vehicle to take, but riders watch as the vehicle bypasses the exit. While the GPS recalculates, riders are told that the guidance system of the vehicle has malfunctioned and they will have to steer and signal manually. Panels in front of each rider flip over, revealing a video game controller. Based on the combined input from all riders, using this controller, the car moves left and right across the track. Safety systems will control the speed and prevent collisions with other vehicles. It is the responsibility of the riders to get the car to the randomly selected exit displayed on the GPS, which will take them to another ring. Exits may occur on either side of the track, and the signs for them don't appear until about 100 ft out. If they miss the exit, the GPS randomly recalculates to another one. It is also possible for guests to take the wrong exit, with similar results.

Depending on which ring guests go to, different events occur:

-Ring 2 is heavily populated with maniac drivers. On this ring, guests will be aggressively tailgated and cut off by the automated vehicles. Despite this, they will still be required to make their way to another exit without a collision.

-Ring 3 is full of speed traps. Vehicles will need to constantly adjust speed to avoid being caught by a police officer. If caught, an automated cop car will be dispatched from a hidden entrance to pull the riders over. After issuing a fine (not monetary, but based on points), riders will be free to continue on their way. However, if riders refuse to pull over more and more cops appear a la Grand Theft Auto.

-Ring 4 contains bumper to bumper traffic. In here, cars move at a crawl and changing lanes is difficult. The automated vehicles will act rudely toward rider vehicles, attempting to mimic the Southern California "me first" attitude typically found on busy roadways.

During their ride, guests will experience all three of these rings in a random order. As the attraction continues, their car will also begin to deteriorate. On their second ring, guests will be informed that their collision detection program has malfunctioned and that they must be careful. On their third ring, guests lose automated throttle control and must manually accelerate and brake the car while driving. Finally, once they reach their fourth ring, guests lose GPS navigation. At this point, they are instructed to return to Ring 1 and exit to the DMV, but are left to their own devices to make it back.

In addition to the controller, several interactive elements are present on this attraction, often disguised as car gauges. The odometer is really a scoring meter, and guests will accumulate points for unsafe driving. Speeding, cutting other drivers off, tailgating, failing to signal, and getting fined are the easiest ways to gain points. In addition, there will be a star meter that is used only during Ring 3 to determine how much legal trouble riders are in (those who have played GTA will understand this perfectly). Finally, the car is equipped with a damage meter. Any time riders bump into another vehicle, damage is accumulated on their car. If their damage meter reaches 100% or they do something that would total the car, airbags deploy and the vehicle enters limp mode, moving off to the side of the track and down a hidden ramp to a garage. Here, the mechanic helps riders out of the car and reminds them that they'll be billed for damages before showing them the exit (note that this is a ruse, but it is not revealed to riders until they receive their next credit card bill). It is also possible for riders to total another group's car, but if they do so they will automatically be billed for the other party's on-ride photo, taken by an onboard camera just before the airbags deploy.

Post-Ride

After returning to the station, riders disembark and head inside the DMV building where they must wait in another line to receive their test results. Riders are told that this was also a driving test and they needed to keep their score low in order to pass. Most do not, and are told they will need to pay a retest fee in order to try again. Those that do are given a free souvenir Disneyland license (identical to those distributed at Autopia, but laminated and including the guest's information and picture), but are told they must wait 5 years before a retest. Guests then exit through a gift shop featuring all kinds of highway-inspired merchandise, from small models of classic cars to plush pillows shaped like road signs.

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