PENNIES FROM KEVIN - Trump Mentality
Does size actually matter? Two top theme park companies seem to think so. Kevin looks at the latest battle in the Warriest War that ever Warred!
Written by Kevin Baxter
Six Flags has recently announced that their Great Adventure park in New Jersey will be getting the tallest, fastest coaster in the world. Oh, and the could-I-care-lessingest coaster also!Tweet
Honestly, what is up with this stoopid war between Six Flags and Cedar Fair? As far as theme park chains go, they aren't in the same league as Disney, Universal or even Busch. This superlative frenzy is like two Olympians fighting over fourth place.
People say, Attendance will rise! Attendance would rise with the addition of ANY decent coaster. Duh! In fact, attendance would probably rise MORE if they built one more people would actually want to ride.
That's the problem with being so desperate to add that "est" to the end of your descriptions. Disney's biggest problems happen when it focuses too much on the competition and not on doing what they perfected long ago. Six Flags is still obsessed with Cedar Fair - well, let's be honest with ourselves and say Cedar Point - only now the obsession has switched from Magic Mountain's "mostest" to Great Adventure's "tallest, fastest, leastest originalest." Really, are those extra 36 feet going to be THAT noticeable? Will that extra 8 miles per hour make it THAT much more exciting?
This obsession is especially galling knowing how many problems Six Flags has had recently trying to beat Cedar Point. Magic Mountain quickly built two coasters to get that mostestest title - Deja Vu and X - and both had to eventually close down for extended periods because they wouldn't work properly. Cedar Point countered by building a Nuh-uh coaster - Top Thrill Dragster - that has had major problems from day one. And now we get Kingda Ka (a strange name but far better than the retardedly generic Maxxx that was proposed), which is basically Cedar Point's problematic coaster with a little extra track. Good luck with that one.
So not only are these parks irritating the small group of guests excited by these superlative-laden coasters by not building reliable attractions, but they are annoying a much larger group that isn't interested in highest or fastest or scariest. When did Cedar Point last build a quality family attraction? How about Magic Mountain? Whatever happened to funnest?
Great Adventure gets a Get out of Jail Free card for making their new behemoth part of a new land, which DOES focus on family entertainment. Magic Mountain, on the other hand, hasn't mentioned its 2005 plans, and seems torn between yet ANOTHER coaster or MAYBE a flat ride. Try SEVERAL flat rides, SF! Cedar Point is going to sit out this battle, for once, and instead plans on a flat ride or two in 2005. Though there are rumors of a B&M Flyer going in the park in 2006, and another rumor they may add Dueling Flyers! Wow!
Of course that would still be an "est": "Firstest." Hey, firstest works for me, as long as the actual ride works, and Flyers have been fairly reliable additions. Innovation is a great thing, but it simply cannot compare to a ride that you can actually ride. Staring at a ride from its queue isn't all that exciting, you know. Hear that, Six Flags? How about you, Cedar Fair?
My two pennies... Gimme yours!
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