Written by Jeff Elliott
Published: March 28, 2013 at 11:14 AM
Disneyland – The courts have determined how much it will cost to be tortured for three hours: $8000. (Update: Turns out it was just 30 minutes.) While we don’t know how the sum was devised, it was recently award to a wheelchair bound man who couldn’t be evacuated immediately from the It’s A Small World ride and sat turning into jelly while listening to the song hammer him over and over again. Various terrorist organizations around the world including the Democrats and Republicans have step forward to defend the “It’s A Small World” song. Bob Iger is currently working on a scathing press release accusing the judge of being foolish and not reading the fine print on the ticket saying that nothing is Disney’s fault…ever.
Update: Disneyland announced today that it will add "Iron Man Tech Presented by Stark Industries" to its Innoventions collection of exhibits on April 13. Visitors will get a chance to see the Iron Man suits Mark I-VII –- the same suits featured in “Iron Man 3,” and, not coincidentally, the very suits that will be worn by Disneyland executives to protect themselves from rabid Disney fan "foamers" who are aghast at the idea that Disney should add anything from its wildly lucrative Marvel franchises to Walt's Holy park.
Disney’s Hollywood Studios – While it is still just a rumor, a Star Wars miniland may wind up taking a substantial portion of the park and closing down the Studio Tour and Sounds Dangerous. And we are hearing rumors again that the hat is finally going to go.
DLP Dream – Here are some new scenes that were swiped from the Lion King and Brave. I would think that these would find their way to the other parks soon.
Islands of Adventure – Surveyors were seen in the park near the splashdown pool of Jurassic Park. While some are saying that it may be early work on a new King Kong ride, I get the feeling that they are measuring how far behind the River Adventure building they need to put the tower for the big flaming eye from Lord of the Rings. The could also be working on a new bathroom...or drainage…who knows.
Disney’s Animal Kingdom – Fences and green tarp have gone up in the area to where the Festival of the Lion King show is going to be moved. It sounds like progress is finally being made. The zebras at the end of Kalimanjaro Safari are apparently not working out. For some reason they are not acting like cute stripy horses and are behaving like wild animals, in that they are blocking the track and nipping at each other and in some case guests. While there is talk that the Addax is going to become the finale, I personally think they need to go back to the dead elephant animatronic. In somewhat related news, I also heard that James Cameron is in seclusion in New Zealand writing the next two Avatar movies.
Despicable Me 2 – BEEE DOE BEEE DOE BEEE DOE BEEE DOE BEEE DOE BEEE DOE!! Hee-Lair-Eee-Us.
Virtual Space Mountain – The below video was painstakingly assemble by some true fans of Space Mountain who attempted to lovingly get all of the detail of the entire ride put into the computer. But before that, I want you to try Jeff’s Virtual Space Mountain and then you can compare the two. For Jeff’s Space Mountain, close your eyes. Now rub your eyes with them closed to simulate the star field. Then whip your head from side to side as you imagine the course of the coaster track. Once at the end, whip your head forward to simulate the breaks, and presto!, instant Space Moutain. Or you could watch the video…
Disneyland’s Third Theme Park “Adventure” – I have always thought that the third Disney theme park would try to take a page out of Islands of Adventure’s book, with rides more aimed at teens and adults. The idea, while still a rumor, is starting to gain some traction. Think of a park that had Pandora, Star Wars, Indiana Jones, Avengers, X-Men, and other Marvel properties. With big rides, roller coasters, and the like, while attempting to beat Islands of Adventure for thrills and theming. One can only hope, but if they need it, I have B&M on speed dial on my phone. I have never called it, but am aching to.
Planes - Goose & Iceman are back together again for this new movie. Keeping in mind that this is related to the Cars world, does anyone have any ideas for what the attraction would be for a Planes Land and series of attractions? That is your assignment this week. Build Planes Land, build it at any park or in the Disneyland third park if you must. If you need some inspiration, think Top Gun mixed with Karate Kid done in Cars style.
Kennedy Space Center – Kennedy Space Center – The pandering to the lowest common denominator begins. This week, the Space Center opened their Angry Birds Space exhibit in an attempt to get kids to show up who would otherwise not look up from their smartphone as their parent dragged them all over the space center.
Cedar Fair – It looks like the company is moving forward quickly with getting Fast Lane Plus and/or regular Fast Lane into all of its parks. The only one not mentioned as to having one or the other is Knott’s Berry Farm.
Six Flags Fiesta Texas – The Iron Rattler is now taking test runs with an empty train. Hopefully by next week they will have graduated to testing on mice and rats, then the week after on dogs, and then onto monkey testing. I wonder if I could pass as a monkey and get on the ride before everyone else?