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The Onion's new Six Flags roller coaster

Six Flags Magic Mountain: "Six Flags Magic Mountain theme park unveiled its newest attraction this week: a 395-foot-tall steel roller coaster designed to simulate a grueling three year relationship with Deborah."

From Robert Niles
Posted April 13, 2010 at 2:05 PM
From The Onion:

New Six Flags Ride Based On Relationship With Deborah

VALENCIA, CA—Promoting the coaster as "the most heartbreaking ride on earth," the Six Flags Magic Mountain theme park unveiled its newest attraction this week: a 395-foot-tall steel roller coaster designed to simulate a grueling three year relationship with Deborah.

Developed by world-renowned and recently single engineer Phillip Werner, the Life Force Crusher-X is said to feature six disorienting vertical loops, 150-feet of highly unstable barrel rolls, a portion in the middle where the ride just suddenly stops for no reason and refuses to start again until riders apologize, and an unexpected 310-foot drop at the very end.


According to park officials, the coaster begins with an impulsive burst of acceleration that, when riders reflect upon the experience years later, will prove to be the only enjoyable portion of the ride. A series of unexpected and painful twists rapidly follow, leaving riders confused, strangely resentful, and wondering if they made a huge mistake getting on the ride in the first place.

Wait a minute, that actually sounds like a few coasters I've been on.... :-)

Jokes continue below....

Comments in chronological order. Most recent at the bottom. Scroll down to respond.

From Derek Potter
Posted April 13, 2010 at 4:11 PM

I'll just stop at that.

From Mike Gallagher
Posted April 13, 2010 at 5:19 PM
I thought that was OK. Here's a link to something ELSE from the wonderful Onion...the funniest theme park related spoof I've ever seen. If your religious sensibilities are offended easily, you may want to skip it. But I'm Catholic, and it sure didn't bother me. If Robert elects to remove it...C'est La Vie!,1983/

Guess the link doesn't work...I'm a computer-phobe, so I wouldn't know any other way to link it.

From Derek Potter
Posted April 13, 2010 at 6:19 PM
In light of recent events, some of that story takes a turn for the strange and twisted.

Still refraining from commenting on the first story...

From Joshua Counsil
Posted April 13, 2010 at 8:06 PM
Gotta love The Onion, one of the few sources of clever satire.

Here is one of my favorite theme-park-related stories.

From Jill Harrington
Posted April 13, 2010 at 8:37 PM
LOL! I personally quite enjoyed this entry from The Onion some time ago...,2778/

From Sarah Meeks
Posted April 14, 2010 at 9:22 PM
Is this seriously going to happen?????? Or is this just an evil joke? I want to ride it!!!!!

From steve lee
Posted April 15, 2010 at 5:33 PM
Well, if we're all posting our park related humor stuff, here's The DEVASTATOR!

Dialogue is R-rated, so be sure to get your parents' permission before - oh, the kids already clicked on it. Nevermind.

This discussion has been archived, and is not accepting additional responses.

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