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Ruin a Classic Attraction

Disneyland: In the name of profit.

From Thomas Crain
Posted July 28, 2011 at 2:33 PM
On my recent Disneyland trip, I was talking to my wife and some teens while in line for the Matterhorn about how much I despised the amount of money Disney was throwing at Cars Land. I talked about my pledge to never set foot in the area due to my immense hatred of the series, then I made a joke about Disney re-theming other attractions to better suit their biggest money makers.

Enter... the Mater-Horn.

The Matterhorn Bobsleds are completely rethemed to a storyline where guests are trying to help Mater learn to ski. Every turn is accompanied by all new dialogue recorded by Larry the Cable Guy. The animatronic Abominable Snowmen are removed and replaced by animatronic versions of Mater.

So, your turn. Ruin a classic attraction for the sake of profit.


Comments in chronological order. Most recent at the bottom. Scroll down to respond.

From Mark Fairleigh
Posted July 28, 2011 at 4:07 PM
Here's my worst nightmare, The Hannah Montana Haunted Mansion Adventure!

The velvet tones of everyone's favorite Ghost Host are replaced by the chain-smoking-headache-inducing drones of Hannah Montana/Miley Cyrus. "Allright, ya'll! Time to buckle up for a ride you'll never forget!"

Throughout the ride, we are subjected to the insanity inducing songs of Hannah Montana/Miley Cyrus as performed by animatronic likenesses completely out of kilter with the classic haunted themeing we all know and love.

After one day of operation, the ride is shutdown and eventually returned to it's original state after a number of actual death certificates are issued for park guests.

From Carrie Hood
Posted July 28, 2011 at 8:29 PM
...these will haunt me for the rest of my life!

From James Rao
Posted July 28, 2011 at 9:49 PM
I am very much looking forward to Cars Land like the rest of the civilized world, but I'll play along...

How about replacing the Monsters Inc ride at DCA with a new dark ride that turns the rider into Hollywood's newest celebrity, taking him or her through a variety of recognizable and somewhat stereotypical locations and situations throughout the greater Los Angeles and Hollywood areas. We can even include some delightful animatronic cameos of Hollywood stars who would make B-list actors look like acadamey award winners. A name like Superstar Limo might be appropriate.

Oh wait...

From Anthony Murphy
Posted July 29, 2011 at 5:11 AM
Tiki Room with a nighmareish combo of, I don't know, Iago from Aladdin and Zazu from the Lion King. Wouldn't that be scary!

From Alan Hiscutt
Posted July 29, 2011 at 5:14 AM
ANTHONY! SHHHHH Right now theres an exec at Disney saying to the board, "Hey you know what would be swell, Iago AND Zazu in the Tiki room! I know I know. please, dont flatter me"

Why would you even voice such an opinon?!?!

From Jeff Elliott
Posted July 29, 2011 at 7:47 AM
Corporate Accounting Mountain

This takes over one of the mountains, turns off all of the effects, guts the theme of the ride, and takes all of the magic away...

From Daniel Etcheberry
Posted July 29, 2011 at 12:38 PM
Add animatronics of Tom Hanks and Tim Allen in Jungle Cruise.

From Nick Markham
Posted July 29, 2011 at 12:06 PM
I would like to know why you hate Cars so much, and Cars Land too, but I will play along:

Rock n' roller Coaster: Disney Channel Edition- On this coaster you can choose from among the best singers including Zac Efron in High School Musical, Miley Cyrus as Hannah Montana, and more, because "We're All In This Together!"

From Tom Rigg
Posted July 29, 2011 at 12:07 PM
Pirates of the Caribbean could now become "Pirates of the Caribbean: The Black Pearly Dead Man's Chest of Stranger Tides at the World's End"

Guests would board the same vessels as before, but instead of being whisked away into some of Disney's most immersive environments, they would cruise through hundreds of video screens. Each screen would repeat the same fragment of the Pirates movie franchise over and over again. The ride would last about 30- to 45 minutes longer than it should and not make much sense. Also, there would be a promise of a new adventure each time you ride it, but instead it becomes conspicuously repetitious and inane with each visit.

From Tony Duda
Posted July 29, 2011 at 4:57 PM
I would like to see The Castle Stage Show of Former Disney Child Stars in which cast members portray the now assorted drunks, poptarts and drug addicts that these former paragons of virtue and goodness once were for Disney. I can envision a 30 minute stage show of stumbling, slurring and puking by these characters, similar to the real acts they perform all over the world. This can be an upcharge of $50 per person with no chance of you getting it back if the show is stopped early. Think of the money coming in. Was this too much?

From James Rao
Posted July 29, 2011 at 7:50 PM
Waitaminute, some of you aren't following instructions... you are improving attractions.

Adding Tim Allen and Tom Hanks to Jungle Cruise is a great idea! Throw in a Johnny Depp cameo and you have a bona fide hit!

And I like the improvements to Rock n Roller Coaster mentioned. Get rid of the Geriatric rock of Aerosmith, and go modern. I actually like Phineas and Ferb's Rock 'n' Roller Coaster even better.

As for Corporate Accounting Mountain, it has already been built. It is called Volcano The Blast Coaster and it resides at Kings Dominion in Virginia. Great ride, but totally, I mean totally, devoid of theme, narrative, effects, or magic. Real shame, if you ask me.

From Anthony O'Neal
Posted July 30, 2011 at 12:07 AM
Hey, Volcano shoots fire. LOL!

From James Rao
Posted July 30, 2011 at 6:07 AM
Occassionally....

From Nick Markham
Posted July 30, 2011 at 10:12 PM
Occassionally is always better than never!

And if we are going to add modern music to replace Aerosmith, let's hope its not Disney Channel music. Selena Gomez and maybe Demi Lovato are the only Disney stars who are naturally talented singers. The rest Disney just hooked up with voice coaches, yes, including Miley Cyrus.

From steve lee
Posted July 30, 2011 at 10:17 PM
Expedition Disco Everest. Wait, too late.

From James Rao
Posted July 31, 2011 at 6:34 AM
@Nick whether they can naturally sing or not is irrelevant. If you can train them to use their pipes then I am good. It's not like Steven Tyler croons like an angel or anything! Furthermore, "occasionally" is never acceptable when money is involved. If you pays yer money, you should see the show! It should never be a crapshoot!

@Steve Even Disco Yeti is now gone. It's now Barely Visible Yeti!

From Thomas Crain
Posted July 31, 2011 at 10:36 PM
My hatred of Cars goes deep and is quite convuluted, but I'll summarize;

1. Larry the Cable Guy
2. Weak story with no heart.
3. Larry the Cable Guy
4. Second film has terrible moral.
5. Second film is borderline racist.
6. Larry the Cable Guy
7. Entire franchise driven by merchandise.
8. Still no attractions for Wall E or Incredibles. Yet Cars gets a whole land.
9. Larry the Cable Guy
10. I can ride Radiator Springs Racers in Florida. It's called Test Track. Guess what? No Larry the Cable Guy.

From James Rao
Posted August 1, 2011 at 3:36 AM
I am sensing a pattern in your breakdown... I disagree with 2,4,5,10, but regardless, your biggest issue apparently has nothing to do with CARS but with one of the voice actors. I get it. I feel the same way about Austin Powers (hard to like those films when one detests Mike Myers).

From Amanda Jenkins
Posted August 1, 2011 at 9:07 AM
How about, "Its a small High School Musical World". And you thought "its a small world" song was annoying :)

I've already scared myself. I can't go on with the description...tiny high schoolers that are too peppy all around...AAAHHHH!!!

From Manny Rodriguez
Posted August 1, 2011 at 11:39 AM
i dissagree rock n roller coaster should stay the way it is and aerosmith does not suck they rock

From James Rao
Posted August 1, 2011 at 6:16 PM
I didn't say Aerosmith was lousy, I just said they were old. And they are. Man, they were old when I was a kid, and I'm old now. Depends and rock 'n' roll just don't jive.

From Andy Milito
Posted August 1, 2011 at 6:48 PM
Amanda, that would be Hell on Earth

From Amanda Jenkins
Posted August 3, 2011 at 8:38 AM
Andy, I believe it may be a sign of the apocalypse if Disney ever attempted this ;)

From Aaron Mencia
Posted August 3, 2011 at 8:54 AM
Any attraction themed after Phineas and Ferb is ruined.

From Rod Whitenack
Posted August 3, 2011 at 9:02 AM
They could remodel the Haunted Mansion after the movie and insert Eddie Murphy into the ride saying, "No spooks! I dont want any spooks!"

From James Rao
Posted August 3, 2011 at 12:24 PM
These days more DHS visitors have heard of Phineas and Ferb than Aerosmith. Like it or not...RnRC (a great ride) probably needs a new gimmick.

But hey, to my credit, the name of the thread is "Ruin a Classic Attraction"! =)

From Christy Hall
Posted August 4, 2011 at 5:44 AM
My vote for the most terrifying suggestion for "ruining a classic attraction" goes to Amanda! The thought of "It's a Small High School Musical World" makes me nauseous! LOL! Good (er BAD) one, Amanda!

From Carrie Hood
Posted August 5, 2011 at 9:29 AM
Not really an attraction but I've got a GREAT idea to ruin the "Not-So-Scary" Halloween Party, we'll make it "Mickeys Very-Scary-To-Adults Terror Party".

We'll add in all the things we adults loathe. Hanna Montana, High School Musical, Wizards of Waverly Place, Suite Life and any other horrifying Disney series following wannabe teenagers about. You know, the ones that makes us start looking for anything in which to remove eyeballs and eardrums as quickly as possible.
We'll fill the park with these people, in costume, they can sing and dance, the kids will be amused and the adults will be walking threw living hell become reality. They can see their parents utterly terrorized! For an additional $50 you can buy the "Earplugs and Valium" package which may save you some minor pain!


Otherwise, Amanda wins!

From Scott B
Posted August 5, 2011 at 10:25 AM
OM-freakin'-G!! These are all awesome. You guys rock!!

Here is my contribution:

Now at the Magic Kingdom, you remember Tom Sawyer island, well now, you will learn to love the newly themed DISNEY VACATION CLUB ISLAND!

-Visit the tree house where you will be whisked away on a path to watch an hour long movie on the joys to owning your own piece of the resort.
-Jump aboard the shipwrecks where you will see the skeletal remains of those who chose not to buy into the program.
-Do you dare enter the dark mysterious caves?! Find your way through to discover burried treasure and also Trevor, head sales manager, who will gladly speak to you concerning the transfer of your time share to off resort properties.
-Take a journey to the famous waterwheel where you can catch some splashing water and also talk to accounting staff for financing options.

From Daniel Etcheberry
Posted August 5, 2011 at 11:56 AM
At Pirates of the Caribbean, change all the pirates animatronics into Johnny Depp's animatronics (a reference to At World's End)

From James Rao
Posted August 5, 2011 at 2:58 PM
@Daniel, I actually think that would be pretty cool - but not as a permanent change. It should be a seasonal offering that is showcased during the month in which Johnny Depp celebrates his birthday.

(James carefully applies his guyliner as he hits 'submit message')

From Daniel Etcheberry
Posted August 6, 2011 at 3:01 PM
Add Johnny Depp's Mad Hatter character to Alice in Wonderland.

From Amanda Jenkins
Posted August 6, 2011 at 6:01 PM
@ Christy and Carrie

Thanks ladies :) I am still having nightmares from my *shudder* creation.

From Justin Kermgard
Posted August 9, 2011 at 10:59 PM
1)Adding Eddie Murphy to scenes in The Haunted Mansion.
2)Refrencing any Disney cartoon sequels(i.e. Aladdin 2 or 3, Cinderella 2 or 3, Little Mermaid 2 or 3, etc.) into any of the Disney park's attractions.
3)Incorporating any Disney Channel singer into the Rock N' Roller Coaster(to this day I find it silly and annoying when I walk into the first room of the building of this attraction, I see posters on the wall of Hannah Montana, Selena Gomez and other Disney Channel brats who in my mind are not in the same league as Aerosmith).

From Robert Tucker
Posted August 20, 2011 at 8:59 PM
Mr. Busey's Wild Ride. It becomes a sort of cat and mouse game. The whole time you are pursued by what you believe is an animetronic charicature asking you for surfing lessons, or something, but they actually really will have hired Gary Busey.

Pigs in Space Mountain.

Soarin' over New Jersey (sorry, couldn't resist, Jersey is a lovely place and I go there often)

A North Korean Pavillion in the World Showcase (I know that breaks the rule about modifying existing attractions, but I still like it.)

From Tony Duda
Posted August 21, 2011 at 3:28 PM
A North Korean pavilion...hmmm?

I can see it now, a large square glass walled skyscraper, completely empty. 20 feet high fences keeping people out...and in. Row upon row of empty shelves in the ground floor store. Workers staring blankly at the people on the outside too scared to go near the 20-foot fence.

From Anthony O'Neal
Posted August 21, 2011 at 4:15 PM
These are really good.

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