What events should be in the Theme Park Olympics?

Edited: February 20, 2018, 9:57 PM ·

I had some fun in my Orange County Register column this week imagining some of the silly competitions that guests could face off in at Disneyland in a "theme park Olympics."

Let's face it, there is no way on Earth that I, nor 99.9% of us reading this, would ever be good enough at any actual sport to make an Olympic team. But we're all pretty darned good at being theme park fans! So let's run with that. I'm talking events such as "picking the correct entrance lane at the front gate" and "going on the most rides in a day."

What would be your best theme park games event? And which one would be your Achilles' heel?

Link to my column: Go for the gold at the Theme Park Olympics

Replies (9)

February 21, 2018, 8:44 AM ·

"Let's face it, there is no way on Earth that I, nor 99.9% of us reading this, would ever be good enough at any actual sport to make an Olympic team."

I guess you missed Elizabeth Swaney...

https://www.washingtonpost.com/news/early-lead/wp/2018/02/20/how-a-skier-managed-to-compete-at-the-olympics-despite-not-being-very-good/?utm_term=.24da466d64cf

February 21, 2018, 12:07 PM ·

OK, the American Olympic team. :^)

Edited: February 21, 2018, 12:29 PM ·

There's always curling and race walking Robert...

I think I would get the gold for maximizing the FP+ system (getting the most same day reservations). I'd also probably do pretty good on the marathons of extreme thrill rides.

My Achilles heel would definitely be my lack of patience with incompetent, self-absorbed theme park guests. I cannot seem to escape people who think their individual experience is more important than anything else going on around them. I would get tons of penalty points for wanting to smack every single one of these morons.

February 21, 2018, 3:14 PM ·

Anyone remember the episode of Step By Step where they tried to break the record for riding the most rides (apparently anyone can get into the control room when you're trying to win the record...) That seems to be the best place to start.

February 21, 2018, 8:00 PM ·

I like your idea for the dash across the park, but what makes it particularly interesting is that it's not just a game of offense. Defensive tactics can be just as important. Competitors must exhibit world class passive-aggressive walking techniques like the mid-walkway stop and go. And no athletic endeavor requires as much coordination and discipline as the classic 5-man defensive line synchronized slow walk.

February 23, 2018, 8:10 PM ·

Heck, anybody who can last a full day at a Disney theme park, including fighting crowds, standing in long lines, dealing with the stress of making the visit worth the luxury-item cost, planning out one's vacation months in advance deserves a gold medal IMO.

February 24, 2018, 6:56 AM ·

Popcorn container collection: How many did you buy in one visit?

M&G Photos: How many photos with characters did you get?

Seasonal festival foods: Did you try them all?

Wall obstacle course. How many walls did you encounter?

February 24, 2018, 9:25 AM ·

How many different beers at each stall did you buy at DCA?

February 24, 2018, 6:09 PM ·

1. EPCOT around the world- walk to each outdoor beer vendor and have one beer at each stall (although that may have gotten one athlete thrown out)

2. Hulkathon- how many consecutive Hulk rides can you take (I think I have done five Harry Potter and the Forbidden Journey rides in 30 minutes once)

3. Cedar Point/ Six Flags Magic Mountain- how many consecutive coasters you can ride in a given time

4. Spin Challenge- how many spins can your team get in one ride of the Mad Hatter's Tea Cups (I may have this, by the way).

5. How soaked you can get on any log ride without leaving your seat

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