Kings Island dispatching one of its roller coasters this week, I say... why stop there?With
New Thrill Ride Fever is a blessing that can rid the theme park world of a great many old and underperforming attractions that have outlived their appeal. So let's welcome The Purge, Roller Coaster Style, in which fans can demand the elimination of coasters hold back their parks instead of lifting them up. Here are my first seven targets, influenced heavily by Theme Park Insider's reader ratings:
Bolliger & Mabillard Floorless, Cedar Point
We will start with Kings Island's sister park to the north, Cedar Point. In 2015, Cedar Point tried to revive its Mantis stand-up coaster by converting it to a floorless design. It didn't work. Rougarou remains poorly reviewed by coaster fans and at this point stands as a failed experiment in ride revival. Cedar Fair got it right in converting Mean Streak to Steel Vengeance, but it's time to just start over with a new ride to replace Rougarou.
Green Lantern: First Flight
Intamin ZacSpin, Six Flags Magic Mountain
If you want credit for having the most roller coasters in the world, which Six Flags Magic Mountain clearly does, is it too much to ask that all of those coasters be open and operating on a consistent basis? Yet Green Lantern remains the elusive white whale for many credit-counting Magic Mountain visitors, with uptime rivaling Princess Aurora. C'mon, get it working consistently or replace it with a coaster than does.
Vekoma SLC, Anywhere
Okay, maybe there's a coaster fan out there who loves the head-banging intensity of the most aptly named ride in theme park history. So I will concede that we could keep one installation of the most hated coaster design in the world open in a new park for relocated attractions that we will call "Masochismland."
Mack Wilde Maus, Six Flags
Put a Mack Rides wild mouse in a field somewhere and I will go ride it. But please don't encase it within the theme of the best superhero movies ever made unless you're willing to spend the money to bring the experience up to that level. Six Flags, at the depth of its financial problems, did not and probably could not do that back in the late 2000s when these coasters opened. So these rides stand today more as a reminder of missed opportunities than enjoyable story-driven experiences. Better to erase them and move forward.
Zierer Tivoli, Knott's Berry Farm
Officially situated in the park's Fiesta Village, Jaguar (I refuse to add the park's preferred exclamation point), seems more like it stands in No Man's Land. At 35 miles per hour and 45 feet, it's not exciting enough to stand as a thrill ride, but its light decoration doesn't provide enough theming or story to sustain it as a narrative attraction.
Reverchon Spinning Coaster, Disney's Animal Kingdom
Disney, you are better than this. If you really want a fun roadside coaster in this space, instead of just compromising when Disney management cut the park's budget in development 20 years ago, just go clone Mine Blower from Fun Spot down the road.
Hollywood Rip, Ride, Rockit
Maurer X Car, Universal Studios Florida
I'm going to get ahead of the reader ratings here by airing my grievances with Universal Orlando's great missed opportunity. It seems to me that Universal opted here for a track that looked cool instead of one that provided a great ride. Eternally rough and offering the pacing of a drunken sailor, HRRR's on-board music can't save this experience. Heck, I'd rather Universal dropped the "pick your music" gimmick and instead hired a musician to score a soundtrack that matched the ride experience. But I would vote for junking this track and designing a new ride experience first.
What are your top targets in the Roller Coaster Purge?Tweet
This article has been archived and is no longer accepting comments.
Walt Disney World