The Blog Flume Filter for March 7, 2013

March 7, 2013, 3:54 PM · Universal Studios Florida – Transformers: The Ride – The gift shop is open and the walk-around characters are already getting their pictures taken. But where is the ride? Who knows at this point. What we need someone to do is to confront Optimus Prime or Bumblebee as they are gallivanting around the park and ask them why in the hell they are not backstage right now finishing up the ride. We are sick of waiting! Although it could also be that they ran out of money in the budget and need to sell a bunch of T-shirts before they will have enough to turn the ride on.

Optimus and Bumble Bee
Photo courtesy Universal

Disneyland – Fantasy Faire – By this time next week this new addition will be open to all visitors. I wonder if it is too late to let them know that they misspelled “fair”.

Disney California Adventure – Half of Mater’s Junkyard Jamboree is closed as they replace the floor of the attraction. According to our sources, the original floor wasn’t durable enough and the surface is getting scratched up. But the closure has inflated wait-times for the working half of the ride. I think it is a bad idea to let Disney think that the long waits show this ride actually has high demand. They might think they can get away with more stuff like this in the future.

Shanghai Disneyland – The first round of fireworks were launched over the park this last week. From what we heard, it was a bit of a scheduling mistake and they were not actually supposed to be launched until the media preview day. This does let us know that they are potentially shooting for a March opening, but the year is still in question. Funny enough (and absolutely true), the neighbors are already complaining.

Hong Kong Disneyland – Not wanting to be left out of all of the new stuff the other parks are getting, Hong Kong officials announced that they are getting the first Marvel Land. According to the rumor mill, the land is going to look like the city did at the end of the Avengers movie, and the only way to see the superheroes is through the front glass of a café. While we don’t yet have an idea what the ride will be like, you can almost certainly believe that it will be based around hitting people really hard, blowing things up, and then having a biscuit in a bad-guy-free world. Rumors also mentioned that several Imagineers were thrown out of Islands of Adventure after they were caught in the park after closing time taking measurements of the Spider-Man ride.

Dollywood – We are getting some extremely early rumors indicating that Rocky Mountain Coasters may have already penciled in Dollywood as one of their next build sites. This is nothing but good news all around.

Kennywood – The park has confirmed that they purchased a swatch of land adjacent to the park behind the Jack Rabbit and Racer roller coasters. While they plan on using the existing building for storage, they have not said what the rest of the land will be used for. The park has refused to talk about an ancient Amish burial ground on the site, but our sources tell us that it will take the Halloween event up a couple of notches when you hit that dead zone where no technology works. People are going to have to run out of there screaming before they can update their Facebook status.

Six Flags New England – In case no one else is building one, this park is going to build a Sky Screamer. This is good because currently no one else is building one because all of the parks that really cared already put one up in the last two years. But Six Flags need bragging rights for something so this one is going to be the tallest in the world. Rumor has it that they are going to build it so tall that they are looking into ways to anchor the top of the ride to the moon.

Alton Towers – The Smiler – Alton Towers has a problem, well several problems. The first is that they cannot build very tall rides. The second is that they have very noisy neighbors that can’t seem to figure out that when they moved right next door to an amusement park, some of the sounds and sights might get out. The park has an answer for this. It is called Smiler. Some of agents of the amusement park rumor union have said that they have counted 14 inversion, not including the spin cycle at the end. So it looks like the coaster has been designed to put the neighbors on it and then hit them with so many inversions that their brains leak out their ears…putting a smile on the face of the Alton owners…and thus the name Smiler.

Drayton Manor – This park has decided that it can no longer stand by as Alton Towers and Thorpe Park build massive roller coasters that continue to bleed away its customer base. This week it was reported that Drayton Manor is going to put up a Thomas the Tank Engine ride. So take that!

Russia – It wasn’t but 25 years ago when the Russians were the “bad guys”, but now we have become downright friendly with the place. That’s what happens when you have a country full of really hot women running around the place who really like Americans (or at least can convincingly pretend to). First we sent them McDonalds, which is fine with me, take it. Then we slowly started sending them just about everything else. The only thing that irks me about this arrangement is that they keep sending things back. I mean why can’t they just keep some of the things we send over there, like emoticons, SUVs, Smirnoff Vodka, and Justin Bieber. But now the Russians have decided to take it one step further and take a huge stab at the theme park business. Russia really doesn’t have what we would call a theme park. Their amusement parks are few and far between and are in such a condition that they make Elitch Gardens look like Islands of Adventure. But now they have a Universal Studios park in the works and no less than three Dreamworks theme parks on the slate. Just this last week we have heard that the town where the meteorite hit is working on a theme park to cash in on their new notoriety. In addition to that, the Olympic Village in Sochi is also getting a theme park. I can’t but think that there are a lot of eggs going into the same basket.

Replies (18)

March 7, 2013 at 10:07 PM · Jeff, as someone who has been to more Renaissance Festivals than you have theme parks, I can tell you that Disneyland spelled "Faire" just fine. "Fair" is fine if you are talking about a county fair.
Yes, I know you were just attempting some humor. You also knew that I was going to jump on this, didn't you? And before anyone jumps on me, Jeff and I are good friends. We went to "faire" last summer at the Michigan Renaissance Festival, and will be going to "faire" this summer at the Colorado Renaissance Festival.
March 8, 2013 at 7:38 AM · According to your own statement, we went to a "Festival" and not a "Faire" or "Fair".

Just saying...

March 8, 2013 at 7:52 AM · The "official" name is Festival, but for those in the know is it known as "faire" as in "I'm going to Faire today". Haven't I taught you anything?

Just saying. ;+)

March 8, 2013 at 7:58 AM · Hello Jeff thanks for the update…. But I do not want Universal to rush the creation of a new attraction… Let them do the fantastic job they always do, just like WWOHP. They took their time and it is now the best attraction around…

Thanks again.

March 8, 2013 at 8:00 AM · @ James

No...they think of it as "I will go to the Fair"....people in the US don't add extra letter's to their spelling unless they are trying to be overly fancy...and in this case completely incorrectly and liable to influence the bad spelling of millions of kids, but the extra letters never come up when we are thinking or talking....

March 8, 2013 at 8:21 AM · Jeff, I respectfully disagree with you. When I think of going to a renaissance festival, I not only say "I am going to Faire", I think it. And I spell it with an "e". I also don't wear a costume- I go in garb. Garb is a lot more expensive.
I don't consider myself overly fancy by adding an "e" to the word "fair". I consider myself to be alphabetically correct considering the location that the villages where renaissance festivals happen are supposedly located. All renaissance festivals are set in Europe, where the extra "e" is not only appropriate but traditional. England uses many more vowels than America does, because they have so many more to use. It is well known that Wales was so poor that they were forced to sell most of their vowels to England, and the English added them to words such as "colour","harbour", and "faire".
I would be more concerned with the effect of texting on spelling than I would be the addition of a vowel at the end of a word. The vowel helps to embellish the themed feeling (something that all of us in Theme Park Insider understand and cherish) that renaissance festivals attempt to create. I appreciate that you feel my writing has so much impact on today's society that my addition of a vowel can cause a crack in our literary foundations, but I must humbly disagree with you in this.
As in other areas, we must agree to disagree.
March 8, 2013 at 8:45 AM · I have spoken with the webmaster and we are planning on sending you a bill for all the wasted vowels in your post...

...those things aren't free, you know...

...and FYI you live 4,000 miles away from England...try to act like it...

March 8, 2013 at 8:48 AM · Great article, even better comments! You guys rock.

And you have to credit Universal for getting that gift shop up and running so quickly! Not even the money hungry beast known as Disney has had the intestinal fortitude and foresight to open a gift shop before the attraction it represents is ready!! Kudos, Universal! ;p

March 8, 2013 at 9:27 AM · Mr. Elliott, I am attempting to keep this discussion civil, and you are resorting to condescending comments. It almost appears that you are attempting to divert attention from the inherent weaknesses in your arguments. True, I do live four thousand miles from England. You live approximately five thousand five hundred miles from England (give or take a few States) yet you write your articles in English (or as close to it as you are able to master). You live much closer to Mexico. Have you ever considered writing your weakly (sorry, that was a Freudian misspelling), I mean weekly articles in Spanish? Your humor might translate better in Spanish than it does in English.
As far as my use of vowels, all of the ones I use are paid for. My wife is a descendent of English aristocracy (the Earl of Shrewsbury to be exact) and King Henry VIII (Jeff that is "8th" in Roman numerals) deeded to him and his descendents the use of all vowels from the Welsh city of Port Talbot. We still have enough vowels to last us, at the present level of usage, until 2198 (April to be exact). The vowels that I use are all paid for and duty free. Robert, you might consider contacting me about the availability of vowel. I suspect we can provide you with a satisfactory supply of them at a very reasonable rate, and by not having to go through Mr. Elliott you don't have to worry about any possible skimming of profits through a middleman.
Mr. Elliott, please attempt to maintain some decorum in this discussions. We all remember too well the tantrum you threw when I defeated you in Theme Park Apprentice: Tournament of Champions. None of us want to witness that again.
March 8, 2013 at 9:36 AM · You see, that is exactly what I am talking spent nearly 300 words to say "you're a jerk". Vowel abuse and letter abuse.

To be honest, I gave up after the first sentence or two...I just couldn't get through your long winded rant. I could have if I wanted to, I just have better things to do than wade through the rantings of a loon...

March 8, 2013 at 9:46 AM · I am sorry, Jeff. I forgot that I need to use small words when I talk to you. You are right. You are always right.

By the way, have you started taking the new medicine that the nice doctor wants you to take? I hear that it tastes just like chocolate.

March 8, 2013 at 11:40 AM · I love chocolate! Yummmm.
March 8, 2013 at 1:24 PM · James, Jeff's doctor once gave him a medication that tasted like Coors Light- he overdosed within six hours.
March 8, 2013 at 1:52 PM · ^That actually explains quite a bit about Jeff. Thanks for clarifying.

And, I still love chocolate.

March 8, 2013 at 2:01 PM · I tried medication that tastes like chocolate once and didn't leave the bathroom for a week...
March 8, 2013 at 2:28 PM · Jeff, that was a good one!
March 8, 2013 at 5:24 PM · All I can say is that James K is not a hypocrite, his last name has a totally useless, silent and extraneous vowel. Good for him.
March 8, 2013 at 6:49 PM · Thank you, Tony! Actually, all the middle letters in my last name are extraneous. Everything between the "K" and "l" is silent. It's pronounced like the vegetable kale.

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